Helpful Articles

Team Member Spotlight: Meet Ron Sprout

Fri, 06 Feb 2026 19:00:54 GMT

“I am being trusted with a family’s loved one, which is the highest honor.”

Deovion Yates Joins Parthemore Funeral Home

Tue, 10 Dec 2024 16:18:19 GMT

“I knew that I wanted to be a funeral director since the 6th grade.”

Wind Phones Connect Us With Those We’ve Lost

Tue, 23 Jul 2024 16:23:47 GMT

For many people, not being able to talk with friends and family who have died is a part of their ongoing grief.

We all experience grief at some point in our lives, but many of us avoid talking about it. Our society is uncomfortable talking about the loss of a loved one. There is an expectation that mourners should be able to “move on.” But you don’t move on — you move forward.

For many people, not being able to talk with friends and family who have died is a part of their ongoing grief. Imagine being able to pick up the phone and talk to them again — to tell them, “I love you," how much you miss them, or what's been happening in your life.

Our need to talk to those who have died became a reality in 2010 in Japan, when garden designer Itaru Sasaki got an idea while mourning the loss of his beloved cousin. He installed an old-fashioned phone booth in his garden with an unwired rotary phone. Sasaki used the phone to connect with his cousin, dialing him up and talking with him about what was going on in his life. It helped him cope with his grief.

Sasaki called it a “wind phone.” He felt that no terrestrial connection was needed to talk to the departed because your words are carried to your loved one by the wind.

Next to a bench by Sasaki’s wind phone booth, a plaque reads: “This phone will never ring. It is connected by love to nowhere and everywhere. It is for those who have an empty place in their heart left by a loved one. Say hello, say goodbye. Talk of the past, the present, the future. The wind phone will carry your message.”

Initially, Sasaki's phone was intended for his own private use, but after the 2011 Tōhoku tsunami, Sasaki opened the wind phone to the public to help the community grieve the 15,000 people that were killed in that tragic event. It became a place of solace for thousands of visitors.

Since the creation of the first wind phone in 2010, other installations have appeared around the world — first in other parts of Japan, and then in other countries. An old-fashioned rotary phone is an almost universal feature of wind phones. Some theorize that the act of dialing a rotary phone, something we no longer do in our daily lives, emphasizes that these calls to loved ones are special.

In America, you can now find wind phones across the country. Over 150 wind phones have popped up across the United States. To track the wind phones and let people know where they are located, Amy Dawson created the website My Wind Phone — www.mywindphone.com — to honor her late daughter, Emily. Her goal was to provide people with a place to normalize grief and give them a useful tool to help them express their feelings.

The website listing includes wind phones in the U.S., Canada, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, and Europe. The phones are located in cemeteries, neighborhoods, parks, and along trails.

Ancient Practice Of Labyrinth Walking Meditation Can Ease Your Mind

Tue, 23 Jul 2024 16:12:51 GMT

Let’s start off by explaining that a labyrinth is a meandering curved path, with a single route from the outer edge that leads to the center.

Let’s start off by explaining that a labyrinth is a meandering curved path, with a single route from the outer edge that leads to the center. Labyrinths date back thousands of years and have been used for walking meditation and other ceremonies. Labyrinths were a part of many European churches in the Middle Ages and were walked as a pilgrimage to become closer to God. Today, people walk labyrinth paths for a number of benefits — both mental and physical.

Each labyrinth is different. All are designed for walking meditation — as a way to quiet the mind, calm anxieties, reduce stress, and encourage self-reflection. As you walk the path, you can get lost in thought — and, in doing so, find yourself.

How Do You Walk A Labyrinth?

You begin a labyrinth walk at the entrance on the outer edge and proceed along the path. Allow yourself to walk at the pace your body wants, while being respectful of others who are walking. Try to clear your mind and be open to thoughts and feelings. Become aware of your breathing.

At the center of the labyrinth, you have travelled half the distance. The center is usually a place of reflection; pause, and stay as long as you like. When you are ready, begin walking out along the same path you followed in. Everyone experiences labyrinths in a different way. After having followed the path, you may not feel anything; or emotions may surface or memories may be awakened.

Where Can I Find A Labyrinth?

Most likely, you will be able to find a labyrinth near you. There are thousands of locations across the world. The Labyrinth Locator online database, which contains information on over 6,400 labyrinths, will help you find labyrinths in your community, as well as ones in areas to which you travel. Simply go online to: https://labyrinthlocator.org and search for a labyrinth in a specific area.

Ashley Mann, Funeral Director, Joins Parthemore Funeral Home

Thu, 07 Mar 2024 17:02:38 GMT

Ashley was born and raised in the New Cumberland area.

Gibby Parthemore, Third Generation Funeral Director, Named Supervisor

Mon, 04 Mar 2024 20:16:28 GMT

Gibby Parthemore, Third Generation Funeral Director, Named Supervisor

Jimmy Carter’s Decision on Hospice Brings Attention to End-of-life Care

Tue, 17 Oct 2023 18:41:21 GMT

Carter’s public disclosure has really opened up the conversation about issues surrounding death and end-of-life care.

At the time Carter entered hospice, it was shared that the decision had been made following a series of short hospital stays. According to hospice experts, this is a common catalyst for patients who get tired of going in and out of hospitals. Rather than providing medical interventions to prolong life, hospice focuses on quality of life and alleviating any discomfort, and providing support for emotional challenges that arise during the process.

“I don’t think we can understate the significance of someone as prominent and well-respected as Jimmy Carter … openly and publicly making that decision,” said Davis Baird, director of government affairs for hospice at the National Association for Home Care & Hospice. “Carter’s decision to publicly disclose his choice to go into hospice has served to highlight the multitude of benefits that patients enjoy,” Baird said.

For a patient to qualify for hospice care, doctors must deem that a person has six months or less to live. That doesn’t mean that person will die within a specific time frame. To qualify, there just needs to be proof that the person’s health has been steadily on the decline.

Regardless of how long patients were in hospice, a recent study found that patients and their families experienced “increased satisfaction and quality of life, improved pain control, reduced physical and emotional distress, and reduced prolonged grief and other emotional distress.” This is due to the fact that, in addition to providing medical care, hospice also addresses the emotional side of dying.

As far as what a typical hospice routine might look like, a primary caregiver, which is usually a family member, spends most of the time administering the patient’s care, then nurses and health aides make regular visits to monitor the person and help address more strenuous needs, like bathing. This could happen in a variety of settings, including at home or in a nursing home.

"Hospice care focuses on the care, comfort and quality of life of a person with a serious illness who is approaching the end of life," the National Institutes of Health explains. The purpose of hospice care is to ensure a higher quality of life after a patient has decided to no longer pursue medical treatment.

Book Offers Insights

Tue, 17 Oct 2023 18:37:34 GMT

How to Make Your Loved Ones’ Lives Easier and Your Own Life More Pleasant. The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Make Your Loved Ones’ Lives Easier and Your Own Life More Pleasant.

What Is Swedish Death Cleaning?

“Death cleaning is not about dusting or mopping up; it is about a permanent form of organization that makes your everyday life run more smoothly,” the author explains. This process of organizing and decluttering your home can be done at any age. If you’ve ever had to sift through an aging or departed parent’s papers and possessions, you probably realize that “death cleaning” could be a very productive practice when you’re still able to do it for yourself.

Going through the process not only helps your family in the future, it provides many immediate benefits to you. “Life will become more pleasant and comfortable if we get rid of some of the abundance,” Magnusson writes. Research has found that clutter can actually make it harder for the brain to focus on a specific task. You may find yourself less stressed and more focused once you’re living in a clean, organized space. Having fewer things to worry about can also make life seem more manageable.

Steps to Start Decluttering Your Life

First, start by sorting through the clothing in your closets. Take out each piece of clothing and figure out what fits or doesn’t and what has gone out of style. Make three piles: keep, donate and throw away.

Next, declutter items that occupy the most space. Do you have a storage space that has accumulated so much stuff that you’re not even sure what’s in there? Look in your storage areas and start pulling out what’s there. Then, ask yourself when is the last time you used this? Do I still need this? Can I sell it? Is there someone who could benefit from this now? Again, make piles to designate what you are going to do with the items.

Spend the time cleaning out your attic, basement or storage area with the purpose of honoring the possessions you’ve collected over the years, then passing along the treasures you no longer need to folks who might cherish them today.

After you’ve gone through your storage areas, you can start looking at furniture and other larger items around your home. Start with the what takes up the most space. Do you really need to hold onto that large china cabinet? From there, you can work your way down to smaller items and personal mementos—consider dedicating a box to hard-to-part-with items like letters and photographs.

Lastly, clean out your digital files. This is a relatively new but very important task added to the category of decluttering. Make sure that your family has information and important login details for any online accounts, including banks, insurance, email, social media, etc. You may also want to consider decluttering your computer’s hard drive and desktop, and emails.

There’s no right or wrong way to do Swedish death cleaning, as long as you’re paring down the clutter around your home and surrounding yourself with the most meaningful essentials.

What Are We Losing to Our Culture of Convenience?

Tue, 17 Oct 2023 18:32:13 GMT

We need to be careful that our pursuit of convenience doesn’t erode the meaning
and purpose of the funeral experience.

Sometimes, families want to have the body taken care of as quickly as possible, with no ceremony or service. Others say that their schedule is just too busy to meet and make funeral arrangements until weeks after a death. Even though a death has occurred, they don’t want to be inconvenienced. Maybe subconsciously they think that avoiding the planning and funeral services will protect them from grief.

Even in these times of chasing convenience at all costs, traditional Jewish communities still strictly adhere to the custom that burial of the dead must take place within 24 hours of death. Regardless of what’s going on in their lives, family and friends must find a way to attend the service or burial with only short notice.

Death rarely comes at a convenient time, but when it comes, it offers an opportunity for us to hit the pause button on our busy lives. Attending a funeral provides us with an opportunity to mourn, honor, remember and support those suffering a loss. Mourning is the outward expression of our feelings of loss. It is through mourning that we can start to integrate loss into our lives.

During the COVID pandemic, many families were forced to resort to bare-bones funerals or no service at all. Without visitations, in-person services, music, readings and other ceremonies, these families had a more difficult time dealing with the death of their loved one.

The harder the loss, the greater the need for a place and space to grieve. In a culture preoccupied with busyness, slowing down to deal with death may be one of the most effective antidotes against letting busyness control our lives.

Tributes to a Life Well Lived

Mon, 15 May 2023 18:31:34 GMT

A Few of the Tributes to Gil

The Parthemore Family would like to thank everyone who attended services, sent condolences and reached out to us. The memories that you shared and your kindness will help us as we mourn the loss of Gil. We pledge to continue his legacy of serving our community.

These are just a few of the tributes to Gil:

“A man who always made me feel like the only person in the room. Thank you for your love, your genuine care and concern for my family and me, and your kindness. Your impact is greater than you’ll ever know!”

Elizabeth Gallo

“One of the kindest and most humane people I've ever met, a true comfort during my family's most difficult times.”

Richard Miller

“He was such a kind man, and he did not change through the passing of time. He extended that kindness in the care that he provided through the loss of both my parents and grandparents, and he has passed on those very special qualities to his sons.”

Sherrie Stewart

“Gil was a wonderful civic steward and a credit to his profession. Our community is a better place because he has lived in it. A life well lived.”

Joan & Bucky Walters

“Growing up around this family, I always looked up to and admired this man. I will never forget how he helped my wife and I when we needed it the most.”

Tim Leese and Family

“I am thankful that your father started his business here in New Cumberland, as it is a place of refuge at times like this and your family is appreciated!”

Terry Brady

“An absolute giant who raised an amazing family that has helped us through many times of grief. Extending virtual hugs to you all, and thanks for all you've done for others.”

Jim Davison

Gil’s Grandsons Remember How Special He Was

Mon, 15 May 2023 18:27:01 GMT

Excerpts of Eulogies by Gibby & Garrison Parthemore

Gil’s grandsons Gibby and Garrison paid tribute to their “Pap” during his funeral service. Each of them shared some of the many ways that Gil made a difference in their lives and those of other community members. Here are some excerpts of their eulogies.

Excerpts of Eulogy by Gibby Parthemore:

“I know that each of you had a unique and personal relationship with my grandfather.”

“He was always there for me offering wisdom, guidance and, as always, unconditional love and support with a little humor sprinkled in there.”

“Pap was a man of many talents: successful businessman, a dedicated community leader and a loving husband and father. To me he was also a master storyteller, prankster extraordinaire and constant source of laughter and joy.”

“No one could make you feel more special than Gil Parthemore when you walked into a room.”

“Pap has taught me the importance of letting go. Of accepting what we cannot change. And finding peace in the midst of loss. He has also shown me the power of faith and the beauty of a life well lived.”

Excerpts of Eulogy by Garrison Parthemore:

“I always knew my grandfather was a great man, and it seemed like we couldn’t go out to dinner with him without seeing someone he knew, but the outpouring of support we have received from the community is amazing and a testament to the impact he had on so many people.”

“One of the things which I learned to appreciate most was how hard my Pap worked for everything he had.”

“While he was in mortuary school, he would take the train to and from Philadelphia every day. Even as a full-time student, he found time to work at the A&P store, at the steel mill and at several funeral homes in the area. This same hard work and dedication would continue throughout the rest of his life, in every facet of his life.”

“As Pap got older, he never really changed. He might have mellowed a little bit, but he was

always uniquely himself.”

To view a video of the complete funeral service and listen to the eulogies, click on the link. https://youtu.be/xLBzhPrrqFo

How To Honor Your Mother On Mother’s Day, Even If She’s Gone

Fri, 10 Feb 2023 05:00:00 GMT

Mother’s Day can prove to be challenging for anyone who is mourning the loss of their mother, even long after she passed. It can also be difficult to find meaningful ways to honor your mother and her life on Mother’s Day. Even though your mother is no longer here, you can still celebrate and remember her in ways that reflect the life that was unique to her.

Say It With Flowers

White carnations are traditionally the flowers chosen to remember mothers who are no longer with us. Pick up a bouquet and leave it at her gravesite or scatter them where her cremains are. If she had another favorite flower she loved, buy those instead. If you’re looking to create a quiet reminder, place a vase of flowers next to a picture or lit candle.

Cook Up Her Favorite Dish

If there was a special meal or favorite “comfort food” your mother cooked that you remember, honor her memory by cooking that dish. Invite your family and friends over and make an event out of it by sharing some of your happiest mealtime memories.

Pay It Forward

Make a donation in her memory to a cause that was dear to your mother’s heart. You may want to consider volunteering a few hours of your time to benefit others. It’s even as simple as buying a strangers meal at your mother’s favorite restaurant or buying coffee for the person behind you. If your mother had another favorite way of showing kindness to others, perform that act on behalf of her. Or if there is a favorite memory you had with your mom of helping others, partake in that event in memory of her.

Plant A Memory Garden

If your mother loved to garden, then honor her memory by planting a garden of your own. Doesn’t need to be anything extreme, it could simply be a potted flower on a windowsill. Involve your family by planting one together and reminiscing on the memories you had with her.

Take A Road Trip

Was your mother one to enjoy adventure or maybe she had a favorite vacation spot? Whether it was near or far, gather your family and plan a trip as a tribute to your mother. Share the memories you have there as well as create new ones.

It is never easy coping with the death of a loved one especially on days such as Mother’s Day. Celebrating your mother’s life this Mother’s Day may bring comfort through reminiscing with family and friends. There are countless ways to honor a lost mother; the important point is to embrace her spirit and keep her memory alive.

Wondering What To Do With The Cremated Remains You Have At Home?

Fri, 10 Feb 2023 05:00:00 GMT

After a loved one is cremated, about 70% of families opt to take the urn home with them after the funeral services. There are a number of reasons that families choose to take cremated remains home. Some are still working through their grief and want to hold onto their loved one a bit longer, others haven’t given thought to the final disposition of the ashes, or they have been left instructions about scattering or are simply uncertain what to do.

If you are considering taking home the remains of a loved one, no matter the reason, it is important to realize that putting the ashes on the mantel or shelf is only a temporary solution. Eventually, when you pass, a final resting place will have to be found for your loved one. The situation can become more complicated if you’re storing the cremains of multiple family members.

It is important that you plan for this change, if not now, then by recording what’s to happen with your loved one’s final disposition in your own will. It’s better to make final disposition arrangements now, rather than burdening your family with figuring out what to do with the ashes of others. Fortunately, there are many options for the final disposition of ashes.

Columbarium or Mausoleum

Cremated remains can be placed in columbarium or mausoleum. These are permanent structures built in a graveyard or church. The terms columbarium and mausoleum are often used interchangeably, but typically a columbarium is built specifically for ashes, whereas a mausoleum can accommodate caskets as well as ur

Scattering

Ashes can be scattered on land, water or air. Many loved ones request that they be scattered in a favorite location or place of significance to them. Before scattering ashes you should check with local and state laws to determine if it is permitted in that area.

Converting Ashes

One option for the disposition of cremated remains, that is gaining popularity in Northern Europe, is converting the ashes into glass, diamonds or some other memorial token. Ashes may be fused with molten glass or turned into synthetic diamonds to then be used in memorials or even jewelry.

Cemetery Burial

Just like a casket, cremation urns can be buried in a cemetery plot. The cemetery plot may be specially designated as a cremation plot or a regular sized plot.

Making a Memorial

Cremated remains can also be incorporated into a memorial object, such as a bench, stone or marker. Normally, the ashes are held in an integrated repository. The memorial piece can then be placed in a garden, cemetery or other location.

Did He Die, Pass Away, or Depart This Earthly Life?

Fri, 10 Feb 2023 05:00:00 GMT

How We Describe Death Has Evolved Over The Years

Discussing death has always been a delicate topic, especially when it comes to crafting obituaries for loved ones. Over the years obituaries have evolved, shaped by society’s customs and the evolution of the language used to describe death in obituaries.

How we describe death today differs greatly from hundreds of years ago. This reflects not only the fact that attitudes towards death have changed, but also the prevalence of modern day causes of death. Back in the pre-1850’s many obituaries described death in euphemistic phrases like “slain by enemy” or “breathed her soul away into her Savior’s arms.”

The language of obituaries can be divided into three broad categories: polite euphemisms, transcendent experiences, and “there’s more to the story” style. Polite euphemisms are a gentle way to talk about death without mentioning the “d-word.” Transcendent experiences involve using religious or spiritual terms to define death. The “there’s more to the story” style-obituaries are similar to polite euphemisms in that they don’t explicitly state how someone died. This option is often used in times of sensitive topics such as overdose or suicide.

New Year, Same Grief. Ways to Manage in the New Year

Thu, 01 Dec 2022 05:00:00 GMT

Grief is never easy, but the coming of the new year can make it harder. It can be daunting to face an entire new year stretching out in front of you. All the New Year celebrations are a constant reminder of the person you love and lost and how another year is coming without them in your life.

Here are a few ideas to help you cope with grief during the new year.

Don’t Judge Your Emotions

It’s normal to feel strong emotions during this time. It’s also normal to feel ambivalent. Whatever you are feeling, accept that all your feelings are OK. Allow yourself to simply acknowledge everything you are feeling without judgment.

Allow Yourself to Move Forward

People who are grieving often long to recover the past, where they were comfortable and felt safe and good. Longing to return to what was can make us resistant to accepting the new year. Instead of fighting the reality that things will be different, let go. Allow yourself to consider doing things differently.

Make This Year About You

Instead of focusing on making resolutions or self-improvement goals for the new year, focus on self-care instead. Commit to doing simple things like getting sleep, eating healthy food, and exercising. All these will help your body and mind deal with your loss.

Find Ways to Remember Them

The new year is a tangible sign that time is passing, which can make you feel like you are being taken further away from the time you shared with your loved one. The passing of time does not mean you are leaving them behind. At the start of the year, reflect on the ways you want to carry your special person with you. Maybe it’s a shared hobby or interests, cooking a favorite meal, wearing special jewelry, or volunteering with an organization that was special to them.

Fill Your Calendar With Self Love

When you look at the calendar for the coming year, instead of just scheduling things you have to do, plan on doing things that will help you with your grief journey. Plan to attend grief support groups and memorial events. If holidays and anniversaries are challenging for you, spend some time considering how you want to spend those days. Would taking a break from expectations help? Maybe just opting out or altering how you participate will make things easier for you. Prioritize your grief-work in the new year.

No one can control the passing of time, but you can control what you focus your attention on. Everyone’s grief journey is different and it is never a smooth forward progression. Find the courage to live into the future by living in the present, one day at a time.

Steve Parthemore Awarded Civilian Service Medal

Sat, 03 Sep 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Steve Parthemore recently returned from the 2022 National Disaster Medical System Summit in Indianapolis, IN. At the summit, he was honored to receive the COVID 19 Pandemic Campaign Civilian Service Medal from the United States Public Health Service. During the pandemic in 2020, Steve deployed to Travis Air Force Base in California, Dobbins Air Reserve Base in Georgia, and New York City.

Steve said that the people who should get a medal are his family and the amazing staff at the funeral home, who make it possible for him to volunteer. He is truly grateful. With out their support, he would not have the opportunity to serve.

While attending the summit he enjoyed the opportunity to catch up with old friends he has met over the years during various deployments and preparing for future disasters, whether manmade or natural.

The pandemic was the longest and most sustained activation in NDMS History. During the event 15,352 responders made up 356 teams and completed 2,207 missions with the responders, responding to the unknown.

https://aspr.hhs.gov/NDMS/Pages/default.aspx

Pennsylvania Funeral Directors Elect Bruce Parthemore As President Of State-Wide Association

Sat, 09 Jul 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Members of the Pennsylvania Funeral Directors Association (PFDA) elected Bruce Parthemore, of Parthemore Funeral Home & Cremation Services as the 2022-23 President at the association’s convention. Organized in 1881, PFDA is one of the largest state funeral director associations in the nation.

Bruce Parthemore is a licensed funeral director and certified preplanning consultant. He attended West Virginia University and the Pittsburgh Institute of Mortuary Science and holds a Pennsylvania insurance license in life, annuities, accident and health. In addition to PFDA, Bruce is a member of the National Funeral Directors Association, Capital City Funeral Directors Association and the Order of the Golden Rule.

Along with being active in his local church, he is a member of the Harrisburg Kiwanis Club and the New Cumberland Olde Town Association. A long-time member of Caring Hearts Pet Therapy and Alliance of Therapy Dogs, Bruce and his certified therapy dogs Jasper and Maggie, regularly visit patients at the Penn State Children's Hospital.

He has been married to his wife, Becky, for 35 years. They have two adult children, a grandson and a granddaughter.

Ways to Honor the Dearly Departed at Weddings

Sat, 28 May 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Weddings are meant to be a time for celebration and a happy gathering of friends and family. But for some couples their joy is mixed with sadness because beloved family members have passed away and won’t be there to witness the marriage.

Whether you’ve experienced a recent death in the family or you’d like to remember grandparents who passed away many years ago, there are many thoughtful ways to honor those special loved ones on your wedding day.

Many brides and grooms have come up with creative ways to acknowledge loved ones in their wedding attire including:

However, you don’t have to limit yourself to incorporating a remembrance related to "something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue in your outfit. Keep in mind that your remembrances can either be done publicly at the ceremony or in a quiet and personal way.

Here are other ideas of how couples have honored loved ones during their wedding day:

There many different ways to pay respects to deceased loved ones at your wedding. However you choose to remember them should be unique to that relationship. No matter what you decide to do, paying tribute during your celebration will make the day even more special.

Etiquette Tips for Livestreamed Funeral Services

Sat, 26 Mar 2022 04:00:00 GMT

Watching funeral services virtually is not new. Over 20 years ago, 2.5 billion people tuned in to watch Princess Diana’s funeral at Westminster Abbey. Now the pandemic has brought what was once reserved for royals into the everyday.

Even after COVID restrictions abate, livestreamed funerals will still be around. Virtual services allow mourners who are unable to travel due to age, health, geographical distance, or economic hardship to still pay their respects.

Here are some etiquette tips for anyone attending a virtual funeral service.

Get Set Up Early

Give yourself plenty of time before the service starts to download or open whatever video platform is being used. Make sure your camera is working. Log in 5 or 10 minutes early to make sure that the host has time to let you in. When attending virtually, there is no excuse for being late.

Dress Appropriately

Be mindful of the occasion. Dress as if you were attending in person. Just because you’re watching from home does not mean you should appear on camera in sweats and a T-shirt. Out of respect for the family, put some time and thought into your appearance.

Mute the Microphone

If the host hasn’t already muted all attendees, mute your microphone. Background noises or conversations near you will be picked up by your microphone and broadcast to everyone attending the services.

Turn on the Camera

Funerals are intended to provide a sense of community, a tangible expression of support for the deceased’s family. That’s all the more reason to turn your camera on.

Be Present

Pay attention to the service, and do not do things may be distracting to others. Shut down other applications, turn off text notifications, and silence your phone to avoid the temptation of multitasking.

Use the Chat Feature Wisely

If available, the chat function allows you to post your condolences or share a short story. Keep in mind that everyone can see your comments, and in some cases, the services are recorded for later viewing. Avoid using chat functions to have side conversations with individual attendees.

Be Patient

Livestream technology can sometimes be problematic. If you are experiencing technical problems with the service, politely make a comment in the chat box. The funeral home staff or host family will do everything in their power to correct the issue as quickly as possible.

How Storytelling Brings Families Together

Sat, 26 Mar 2022 04:00:00 GMT

One of the celebrations marked during the month of March was World Storytelling Day, which encouraged people to ask someone in their family to share a story about their life.

Unfortunately, many of us only know a little bit about our family history. Typically, it’s not until we grow older ourselves and gain life perspective that we become interested in learning about the life stories of our grandparents, parents, and other relatives. The problem is that by then, family members have passed away or are unable to recount their stories. One way to ensure that these precious stories are not lost is to weave storytelling into our everyday lives.

If we lose the stories of the generations who came before us, we also lose all of the benefits that come with them. Our families are one of the most important social groups we belong to and identify with. Psychology researchers have found that sharing family stories can help increase resilience in children. Studies show that children who know their family’s history are more likely to have higher self-esteem, lower anxiety and depression, and fewer behavioral problems.

Keep in mind that the stories we share don’t all have to have happy endings. Telling about good times and bad times are both beneficial. Children who hear stories about difficult times and realize that they are a normal part of life are better equipped to navigate their own lives.

So, how can you start weaving storytelling into becoming a part of your everyday life?

One way is to start by asking thoughtful questions that will prompt others to share their life experiences. Try asking some of these conversation starters:

Another way is to start sharing your own stories with your children and family. This can be as simple as starting with “Did you know…”. With children, keep an ear out for when they bring up something that happened to them. You can then relate it back to something that happened to you when you were their age. Make sure that you allow them time to share, and listen to their story before you share yours. Talking about common interests and similarities helps us to connect with one another.

You don't have to wait for large holiday gatherings to share family stories. Any time that your family is gathered for a meal is an opportunity for storytelling. Telling stories can be a part of any meal. Car rides, when we’re not face to face, are also a great opportunity for conversation, especially with teenagers. Younger children like to talk at the end of the day before bedtime. So, instead of reading a book, tell them a family story.

Funerals Are an Essential Part of the Grieving Process

Sat, 26 Mar 2022 04:00:00 GMT

The pandemic has kept us from sharing some of the most meaningful rituals of our lives, from graduations to weddings to funerals. Studies are now underway to determine the psychological impact that the loss of shared rituals is having on people.

Witnessing the difficulties of the families that Parthemore Funeral Home has served over the last two years, we don’t need a scientific study to tell us that the loss of rituals can be traumatic. Not being able to hold funeral services has had a major negative impact on families’ ability to move through the grieving process.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally recognized grief expert, has found that the funeral is more than just a ritual – it is an essential part of the grieving process, because it helps us meet the six needs of mourning.

The 6 Needs of Mourning

After talking with thousands of families, Dr. Wolfelt found that there are six essential needs of mourning. He believes these six needs are essential for mourners to be able to reconcile their grief and go on to find continued meaning in life.

The six needs are:

Funerals provide an opportunity to begin to deal with the reality of loss. When a death first occurs, our minds often refuse to accept the reality of it. In some ways, we rebel against our new reality and the change it brings to our lives. It’s only with time that the death begins to sink in.

A personalized and meaningful funeral is the first step toward healing and reconciliation. We are surrounded by other people who share our mourning. As we accept the reality of our loss, we can begin to process what this change means for our lives and create forward motion in our grief journey. Without a funeral, we can become stuck in our grief journey.

Funerals help us shift our relationship to one of memory. Part of coming to grips with the reality of death is acknowledging a change of relationship. We no longer have a relationship based on the presence of our loved one; we now have a relationship based on memory.

In order to heal and find continued meaning in life, we must accept our new reality and reconcile ourselves to the loss. The funeral is an important first step on that journey toward healing.

Article includes excerpts from "How Funerals Help Us Accept the Reality of Death"

Why Making Arrangements in Advance Is a Good Idea

Sat, 26 Mar 2022 04:00:00 GMT

There’s a lot that goes into planning a funeral, but making those arrangements beforehand gives you time to consider all of your options and make sure that you’re covering all of the necessary details. Here are some of the most important reasons planning ahead may be the best option.

We Make It Easy

We can set up a time to meet with you and review your options and help you plan. If you prefer not to meet in person to make pre-arrangements, we can talk with you by phone or via Zoom videoconferencing.

Anytime Is the Right Time

Anyone can create a plan, at any stage in their life. You always can make changes if you wish.

You Decide What You Want

Preplanning lets you create your own unique life celebration. Including your family in the planning process can help them feel connected to you both in life and in death, knowing that your arrangements reflect your desires.

Relieve Your Family’s Burden

Preplanning relieves your family of that burden and gives them time to focus on healing and remembrance.

How Do I Start?

For personalized assistance in creating your plan, contact us to schedule a one-on-one meeting.

6 Things You Should Never Say to a Grieving Person

Thu, 18 Nov 2021 05:00:00 GMT

Words are powerful. They have the power to hurt or heal.

But sometimes we say things that we think offer comfort, when in reality, they hurt the people we love. We have a responsibility to guard our words, especially when someone is emotionally vulnerable, after the death of a loved one.

Consider avoiding these six common phrases when talking with someone who has lost someone close to them.

“I know how you feel.”

It’s true that you may have suffered a similar loss, but you have not suffered this particular loss. This comment assumes that you know the complex emotions of the bereaved and that you have felt each one exactly as they do. Every loss is one that has never been experienced before. Every person feels, processes, and heals in a different way.

Instead, you might say, “I know every loss is different in its own way, but something that helped me when I lost my mom was (insert helpful suggestion here),” or just simply and sincerely ask, “How are you doing?”

“You’re so strong.”

You may intend this to be received as a compliment, but what you’re communicating is, “I expect you to be strong enough to keep your emotions in check through all of this.” A comment about how strong they are takes away their option to express any vulnerability or genuine emotions to you.

It may invite a more honest response, and you should be ready with your emotional support, but instead, consider saying, “It’s okay to cry.”

“Sometimes we just don’t understand the will of God.” Or, “God must have needed another angel in heaven.”

These phrases and many similar ones are often used in Christian religious circles, and whether by intention or not, they essentially blame God for the death of a loved one. While it is true that we may not fully understand the will of God, these platitudes are not helpful.

It is appropriate to pray for others and seek comfort from God after loss, but not blame him for the loss. Instead, consider saying “I’ve been thinking about you so much” or “You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers.”

“She’s/he’s in a better place.”

When you are grieving the loss of a loved one, you don’t want them to be in a “better place.” You want them to be here, now, with you. In time, it may be a comfort to think of a loved one in heaven. But in the midst of the deep sorrow of NOW, it’s difficult to find comfort or healing in the phrase. Simply be there, and consider asking them questions about the loved one they’ve lost.

“If there’s anything I can do for you, just call me.”

Take note: the grieving person is not going to call you. They aren’t going to want to inconvenience you, even though your offer may be entirely sincere. Instead, take the initiative, and do something intentional. Tell them you are going to pick them up for lunch the following week. Ask them what day you can swing by to drop off dinners for the week. Or, call them every week or so just to check in. As you are intentional, they will feel your love and support.

“It’s been a while since she/he died. Isn’t it time to move on?”

Grief has no expiration date. Allow your loved one the time they need to grieve and put no expectations on them. You can lovingly suggest a grief counselor, ask about the person they lost, but don’t push them. Don’t try to fix their pain. Loving them through their grief will help them along the path to healing much more smoothly than your impatience.

Article excerpt from Funeral Basics - www.funeralbasics.org

Coping with Grief During the Holidays

Thu, 18 Nov 2021 05:00:00 GMT

The first step in coping with grief at the holidays is to acknowledge that the holidays will be different and they may be difficult. Holiday memories serve as constant reminders of loss. Watching others celebrate can be painful and overwhelming. Sometimes the anticipation of a holiday can be more difficult than the day itself.

You can prepare for the holidays by being thoughtful about your plans and making sure you have the support you need. After a death, survivors must learn how to develop new holiday rituals and traditions.

If you or someone you know are grieving during the holiday season, here are some helpful tips to help get through.

Keep Old Traditions Or Create New – It’s Up To You

It can be helpful to continue with old traditions that existed in order to honor and celebrate the individuals who are no longer here, but there are no rules. Decide which traditions you want to keep and which ones you might want to change. Feel free to create new traditions.

Rediscover The Gift Of Giving

Finding the perfect gift for your loved one is a part of the joy of the holidays. You don’t have to lose that joy, simply choose a new recipient. Maybe make a donation to a charity that was important to your loved one. Or buy a gift you would have given to them and donate it.

Sharing With Others

If you have been having a hard time getting rid of your loved one’s belongings, why not use the holidays as an opportunity to kick start the process. You can donate the items to a charity. As you go through their belongings, consider pick out a few special items and gift them to friends or family who will appreciate them.

Only Do What You Want To Do

It is okay to opt-out of holiday gatherings. Finding a balance between engaging and not pushing yourself is important. Don’t feel guilty about skipping an event if you are feeling overloaded. When you do go to holiday events, drive yourself so you can leave if it gets to be too much.

Get The Help You Need

There will be people who want to help and may offer their support. Let them. If no one offers the help you need, ask for it. This can difficult for some people, but it is important. Asking others to help with cooking, shopping, or decorating can be a big relief. Consider joining a grief group. Sharing your struggle with others who are going through the same thing can be helpful.

“Grand” Ideas For Things To Do With Your Grandchildren

Thu, 18 Nov 2021 05:00:00 GMT

The cold winter months will soon be upon us, making it harder to do outdoor activities with your grandchildren. So, we have some suggestions for indoor activities that grandparents can share with little ones.

Read your favorite childhood book together

We all have favorite books from different eras of our life. Pick one that you enjoyed as a child and read it with the kids. Explore some literary classics that are beloved across generations. Stop by the library or bookstore for ideas. You can even gift your grandchild a book to add to their collection.

Dig out the old family photos or home movies

Many adults will tell you that they regret not having asked more questions about their grandparent’s lived. Sharing some of your story with grandkids is a great way to spend some quality time. So dust off the photo albums or set up the projector. The kids will also get a chance to see their own parents as children.

Teach them how to make your signature dish

Who doesn’t wish they knew how to make Grandma’s famous dinners or desserts. Especially those delicious recipes that aren’t written down, but done from memory with a little bit of this, and a pinch of that. Set aside an afternoon to teach your grands the art of a perfectly flaky piecrust or a deliciously buttery biscuit.

Do an arts-and-crafts project

Whether your medium of choice is yarn, a piece of wood, or a blank canvas, channel your inner artists to create one-of-a-kind artwork together that your grandchildren can keep as a special memento of your time together.

Try something that they love to do

Turn the tables and let your grandchildren decide what activities you will share. It may not be something you’d normally do, but make their day by giving it a go. Be it sticking your fingers in glitter-filled slime or eating the latest candy concoction. Make their day by giving something that they love a try. Who knows? You may actually like it!

2021 NFDA International Convention and Expo

Thu, 18 Nov 2021 05:00:00 GMT

Maybe I shouldn’t admit this, but the last time I attended a National Funeral Directors Convention was in 1989 when I was a student in Mortuary School in Baltimore. My parents attended, since it was in our backyard, and I had the opportunity to join them for different sessions.

Over the years, I have attended many state conventions and several conferences through our membership in the Order of the Golden Rule (OGR). OGR gave me the opportunity to go to locations I have never visited, including Aspen, Boston and Toronto. (I’ll never forget the Canadian border control interviewing my boys to make sure that we were not abducting them.) Over the last decade, as I got busier with our business and kids, my attendance at events lessened. Fortunately, I was able to rely on trade journals and webinars to help keep me up-to-date professionally.

My brother, Bruce, has been very active with our state association, the Pennsylvania Funeral Directors Association (PFDA). He let us know that this year’s National Convention was in Nashville. He suggested that I attend, since my son Garrison would be an incoming freshman at Vanderbilt in Nashville. My cousin David and his wife Shara are stationed at nearby Fort Campbell, so I would be able to mix a little family time with business. Bruce said that he would attend next year’s convention since he would be the incoming president of PFDA.

The convention was hosted at Music City Center, a 2.1 million square foot, state of the art facility in the heart of downtown Nashville. Sunday afternoon we walked over to the center from our hotel to print out our badges and become familiar with the layout of the building. That evening, we attended the opening party. I was surprised to discover that they had closed the street next to Music City Center and set up a huge stage at one end. Once inside, actually on the street, there were stations set up everywhere with a variety of amazing foods. We sat with and enjoyed getting to know a couple that owned a funeral home in Buffalo, NY. My son, Garrison, was able to join us in time to see the band, Runaway June, come on the stage. They were excellent, playing their own music along with covering artists such as Tom Petty.

The next day officially started the convention. There were keynote addresses for all three days of the convention. Each speaker was internationally recognized and gave dynamic presentations. The first day’s speaker was Duncan Wardle, former Head of Innovation and Creativity at Disney for over 25 years. Statements he made which resonated with me included: the fact that our industry is an experience industry; we need to give our staff time to think; diversity is innovation; and the opposite of bravery is not cowardice, but conformity. He mentioned one of his biggest regrets was not being able to attend his father’s funeral service due to a volcano erupting and shutting down flights. He envisioned advancements in technology that will allow loved ones, unable to physically attend services, be able to attend virtually using VR headsets.

The speaker on the third day, Ben Nemtin was very inspirational and a positive note to end the convention. He was excellent at sharing the highs and lows which inevitably, we all experience in our lives. He is the creator, executive producer and cast member of MTV series The Buried Life. Nemtin is also co-author of the book What Do You Want To Do Before You Die? Things that he mentioned which touched me were the importance of gratitude, exercise, mindfulness, digital detox, and connecting with others. He explained how helping others gives meaning and purpose.

During the rest of the day, we had our choice of attending break out sessions dealing with topics such as social media, law enforcement line of duty deaths, legal issues, connecting with different communities, customer service, cosmetics, taking care of yourself and family, the effect of the pandemic on funeral service, etc.

Sessions I enjoyed included the Reimagined Funeral. The speaker mentioned how during the height of the pandemic, funeral homes had to turn families away. He mentioned that, as a whole, funeral homes were pretty good at adapting to the pandemic with streaming services, making arrangements through Zoom, etc. He said that we will not go back to the pre-pandemic way of doing things. We will need to concentrate on providing greater convenience for our families, embracing technology, and even reimagining our facilities to align with market changes.

There were two projects which I learned more about at the convention that I would like to incorporate. The First is “Journey to Serve,” a unique marketing campaign launched in 2021 by the Funeral Service Foundation and the ICCFA Educational Foundation. This collaborative effort between organizations aims to engage, recruit and hire more military veterans to careers in the funeral service profession. We are blessed to have several veterans on our staff and their attitude and organizational skills are priceless.

The second is “Have the Talk of a Lifetime,” which offers families practical advice and tools to help them have conversations about the things that matter most and how they hope to be remembered when they die and for generations to come. This wonderful program has been offered through The Funeral and Memorial Information Council for some time and I’ve put it on the back burner. It’s time to make this worthwhile program more accessible to our families: https://www.talkofalifetime.org/

The expo hall was nothing short of amazing. It literally took us the three days of the convention to get around the hall. It was nice to catch up with old friends and learn about new products. Some of the new services and products are a bit gimmicky. Others seem to be promising to provide convenience, meaning, and value to our families.

While I was waiting for an Uber outside of the hotel I heard someone say “Steve?” I looked over, and in surprise said “Dan?” It was Daniel Biggins, a funeral director from Boston, whom I worked with in the Medical Examiner’s office in New York City after 911. Although we stayed in touch through Facebook, etc., it was the first time we have run into each other.

The best lesson I learned from attending the International Convention was not to wait another thirty plus years to go. There is much to be gained in our memberships in PFDA, NFDA, and International Order of the Golden Rule. It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day of serving our families, but it’s important to refresh and take advantage of the learning opportunities provided by our state and national/international associations. Spending quality time with my wife, son, and cousin and his wife, whom I see too infrequently, was icing on the cake.

By Steve Parthemore, Funeral Director

Parthemore Funeral Home Named Simply The Best

Wed, 11 Aug 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Honored For The Fifteenth Year In A Row

Parthemore Funeral Home & Cremation Services of New Cumberland has been honored as the 2021 Simply The Best Funeral Home by Harrisburg Magazine. This is the fifteenth consecutive year that Parthemore Funeral Home has been honored. Every year, the readers of Harrisburg Magazine vote for their favorites in categories including area businesses, services, destinations and many others.

“We are proud that our family tradition of caring has been recognized as Simply The Best for all these years,” said Gilbert J. Parthemore, Supervisor. “We would like to sincerely thank the community for the honor and promise that we will continue to dedicate ourselves to understanding their unique needs and providing the outstanding service that the community has come to expect.”

For over fifty years, Parthemore Funeral Home & Cremation Services has been committed to the families they serve and the community in which they live. An independent, family-owned funeral home, Parthemore offers pre-arrangements, cremation and traditional services suited to each individual.

The Challenges Of Grieving Grandparents

Wed, 16 Jun 2021 04:00:00 GMT

When a child dies, family and friends naturally reach out to the child’s parents to offer support and sympathy. Losing a child can be the most profound grief anyone can experience. In the rush to provide comfort to the parents, we often forget that there are also deeply grieving grandparents who need support and sympathy, too.

Often called “neglected mourners,” grandparents take a back seat to the primary mourners – the parents and siblings of the child who has died. But Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a nationally respected grief counselor and educator, tells us not to forget grandparents. He says: “When a grandchild dies, grandparents grieve twice. They mourn the loss of the child and they feel the pain of their own child’s suffering.”

Because they are often overlooked, grandparents face several unique challenges on the way to healing from their grief.

Grandparent grief is often overlooked or unacknowledged. Experiencing this “disenfranchised grief” makes it harder for grandparents to share their thoughts and emotions because they feel that their grief is out of place or doesn’t help the situation.

Because grandparents are not the primary mourners, they often don’t receive as much support as they need during a time of loss. Often the focus is on rallying around the child’s immediate family. While there are generalized grief support groups, it’s hard to find a support group that specifically addresses grandparent grief.

As a matriarch or patriarch of the family, it’s natural to want to show a strong, loving face to family, especially to a grieving adult child and their spouse and children. Because a grandparent may feel the need to offer support to their grieving child and doesn’t want to add any additional burden, they may push aside their own feelings of grief in favor of offering support and assistance.

Depending on proximity and the closeness of relationship, grandparents may be asked to step in to help with siblings while the parents deal with the effects of losing a child. In some ways, this is a blessing. Grandparents can spend time with their living grandchildren and further cement those precious relationships. On the other hand, with less energy reserves, grandparents may have difficulty finding the time and mental/emotional energy to process their own emotions of grief.

First and foremost, a grandparent is a parent themselves. Their own child is in deep pain, and there’s nothing they can do about it. This sense of helplessness can add further stress and impact their mental, emotional and physical well-being. The challenges of aging, coupled with grief, can adversely impact their normal eating, sleeping and general health as well.

Both parents and grandparents expect a child to outlive them, so when that doesn’t happen, there’s a sense that a legacy has been lost. This feeling can be especially potent if the grandparents only have one grandchild. They must deal with the loss of what could have been – what should have been.

Understanding that grandparents face challenges when grieving the loss of a grandchild is the first step toward understanding how to manage things. If you are a grandparent, experiencing a loss:

The loss of a grandchild is a severe blow – to both the parents and grandparents. None of them will ever truly “get over” the loss, and really, that’s not the goal. The goal of healthy grieving is to find a way to reconcile yourself to the loss and begin to move forward with meaning and purpose.

Article excerpt from article originally posted on https://www.funeralbasics.org .

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End-of-life Doulas Provide Support To The Dying & Their Family

Wed, 16 Jun 2021 04:00:00 GMT

End-of-life (EOL) doulas are holistic, non-medical care providers to people facing the end of life and their families. Different from hospice care, EOL doulas provide practical support which may include planning, organizing paperwork, helping families to make decisions, spending time with the dying, as well as emotional care.

The word doula comes from the Greek word meaning "a woman who serves." Originally, a doula served a woman through all the different phases of life, from birth through death. However, in more recent times, doulas are mainly associated with assisting women who are giving birth. We are now seeing a growth in using doulas to help us deal with death.

The concept is not completely new. Hospices have long had “vigil volunteers” who sit by the bedsides of the dying. For people who work in hospice care, the growing popularity of EOL doulas is welcomed, since it is changing the culture around an experience everybody will have.

Nancy English, an assistant professor who teaches palliative care at the University of Colorado, says, “We need to look at death as important as birth; it’s a transition from one state to another. We know it’s a major transition, even if we don’t know what’s next.”

Currently, there are no federal or state licensing boards, but several organizations offer accreditation and certification for EOL doulas. Those who run the training programs say they have certified many people who have experience dealing with death, like chaplains, social workers and nurses. Neither private insurance nor Medicaid covers the cost of doulas, like they do for end-of-life hospice care.

It’s important to ask questions before hiring an EOL doula. Ask prospective doulas how they were trained; how well informed they are about end-of-life documents; and any limits on support in terms of time, activities and tasks.

Most professionals who are familiar with end of life challenges agree that the use of EOL doulas is growing because an aging population is grappling with how to gain some control over this uncontrollable stage of life. In the past, without the intervention of modern medicine, people died more quickly. Today we are living longer, sometimes with debilitating illnesses that change the process of dying. Generally, our culture has not taught people how to prepare for death.

Frank Ostaseski, who helps train EOL doulas explained, “We walk right in and start blabbing away with our nervousness.” Instead, he said, “Pause at the threshold before walking in. Talk less. Listen more. It’s not your opportunity to have some deep psychological experience. Maybe all they want is someone to do their laundry,” he said. “It’s their dying, not yours.”

The goal of all EOL doulas is to make sure that their patients are cared for, comfortable, loved and appreciated in their last days because it’s their most vulnerable point in life. Ashley Scott, an EOL doula in Colorado, said, “A life lost is a life lost and we need to honor that, and during COVID we didn’t get to. We didn’t get to honor the dying process. It literally just happened, and I guess that’s what really drew me into being a doula. We get to honor the process.”

If you would like to learn more, there are several online resources to provide more information and directories of EOL doulas in your area including:

National End of Life Doula Alliance (NEDA) - https://www.nedalliance.org/

International End of Life Doula Association - https://www.inelda.org/find-doula/

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How To Announce A Death On Social Media

Wed, 16 Jun 2021 04:00:00 GMT

Announcing the death of a loved one is an incredibly difficult task. It forces you to acknowledge that someone you love has died, and in many ways, there’s just no way to put what you feel into words. But announcing the death on social media, through an obituary or in a newspaper is a necessary step.

Social media allows us to communicate rapidly and widely. You may not know every person your loved one had a relationship with, so making an announcement online is an efficient way to reach people.

Posting online creates a place for people to mourn, share memories and express condolences while also keeping things simple for you. It’s much less draining to make one post than to attempt to contact to each person individually.

Keep in mind that not everyone is on social media. Making major life announcements on social media may be acceptable for one generation but unheard of for older people. So, here are a few tips to help you navigate with tact and respect for others.

Notify Close Loved Ones First

Make sure you notify close family and friends in a more personal way first, such as in-person, with a phone call, or via private message. You don’t want people close to the deceased person to find out about their death online.

Wait At Least 24 Hours Before You Post

Waiting a day or so allows enough time to contact close family and friends with the news. The wait will give you time to set the service details and process some of your own initial feelings of grief.

Add An Intro To Warn People About Sad News

It’s always good to add a bit of an introduction to your post so that people know you have sad news to share. Here’s an example: “Family and friends, it is with great sadness that our family announces the passing of a very special person. I’m so sorry that you will hear the news this way, but our family wants to make sure everyone hears before the funeral.”

Exclude Details That You Don’t Want To Be Public

Remember that social platforms are a public space. Don’t write anything you don’t want everyone to read. Consider all of the people who may read your post and be prepared to receive responses from them.

What To Say In Your Post

Finding the right words may feel a little overwhelming. It’s best to keep things simple. The post can be formal, casual, sentimental or whatever you like. There are a few key pieces of information to include: name of the deceased, a favorite photo of your loved one, information about memorial donations and details about upcoming services. You might also consider linking to the obituary if it’s available.

As you consider what information to include, be mindful of your word choice. Focus on sharing positive memories and giving others an opportunity to share theirs.

Article excerpt from article originally posted on https://www.funeralbasics.org .

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FEMA Funds For COVID-19 Related Funeral Expenses

Fri, 30 Apr 2021 04:00:00 GMT

U nder the Coronavirus Response and Relief Supplemental Appropriations Act of 2021 and the American Rescue Plan Act of 2021, FEMA is providing financial assistance for COVID-19 related funeral expenses incurred after January 20, 2020.

On June 29, 2021, FEMA announced changes to the COVID-19 funeral assistance program related to cause of death listed. For deaths that occurred between January 20 and May 16, 2020, if the death certificate does not attribute the death to COVID-19, additional paperwork can be submitted to verify the cause. This change will eliminate the need to amend the death certificate. The policy change will allow applicants to submit a statement or letter from the death certificate’s certifying official, medical examiner, or coroner that attributes the death to COVID-19.

To Apply for COVID-19 Funeral Assistance Funds Call

844-684-6333 | TTY: 800-462-7585

Hours of Operation: Monday-Friday

9:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. Eastern Time

Who Is Eligible?

To be eligible for funeral assistance, you must meet these conditions:

* If the death certificate was issued from Jan. 20 to May 16, 2020 it must either attribute the death directly or indirectly to COVID-19 or be accompanied by a signed statement from the original certifier of the death certificate or the local medical examiner or coroner from the jurisdiction in which the death occurred listing COVID-19 as a cause or contributing cause of death. This signed statement must provide an additional explanation, or causal pathway, linking the cause of death listed on the death certificate to COVID-19.

If the death certificate was issued May 17, 2020 or later, the death certificate must attribute the death directly or indirectly to COVID-19.

If multiple individuals contributed toward funeral expenses, they should apply under a single application as applicant and co-applicant. FEMA will also consider documentation from other individuals not listed as the applicant and co-applicant who may have incurred funeral expenses as part of the registration for the deceased individual.

Can a Funeral Home Apply on Behalf of the Family?

Unfortunately, funeral homes are not allowed to apply on behalf of a family. The person applying must be an individual, not a business, who incurred the funeral expenses.

Although Parthemore Funeral Home cannot apply for funds on your behalf, we can provide you with any documents or information that you need in order to submit your application. We have compiled a helpful checklist of information and documents that you will need to complete your application.

Download the FEMA Pre-Call Checklist

What Funeral Expenses Are Covered?

COVID-19 Funeral Assistance will assist with expenses for funeral services and interment or cremation. Any receipts received for expenses that are not related to funeral services will not be eligible expenses. View the full list of covered expenses on the FEMA website.

How Much Is Available and How Are Funds Received?

The funeral assistance is limited to a maximum financial amount of $9,000 per funeral and a maximum of $35,500 per application. If you are eligible for funeral assistance you will receive a check by mail, or funds by direct deposit, depending on which option you choose when you apply for assistance.

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Funeral Alternatives, When Gatherings Are Not Possible

Sat, 27 Feb 2021 05:00:00 GMT

Traditional funerals meet many of our needs at the time we’re saying goodbye to the one we love. These traditions honor the person who died, while at the same time supporting those of us who have experienced the loss.

Because large public gatherings are not possible at this time, we have suggestions for some alternative ways that families can say goodbye to their loved ones and continue to meet some of these needs.

You can read more about ways to deal with this by downloading the Highmark Caring Place's resource - Download Alternative Ways

For more information or resources visit Highmark Caring Place, www.highmarkcaringplace.com

If You Were Separated From Your Loved One at the Time of Their Death

Tue, 23 Feb 2021 05:00:00 GMT

If you were unable to be with your loved one while they were sick or could not be with them when they died, you may feel robbed or cheated of time with them in their end-of-life moments. You may feel angry that the coronavirus pandemic required protocols that kept you from being at their side, and you may feel disoriented in beginning to mourn while wrestling with these circumstances. All of these feelings are justified, and nothing about your experience was deserved. Grieving Alone and Together: Responding to the Loss of Your Loved One during the COVID-19 Pandemic Grief following a loved one’s death can be complicated during this public health crisis because we are all experiencing non-death losses at the same time. Some may be concrete and easy to identify, such as financial or employment insecurity and lack of social interaction. Other losses might be harder to recognize, like no longer having the comfort of our normal routines or freedom of movement in public sp

COVID Resources For Veterans

Tue, 23 Feb 2021 05:00:00 GMT

The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs has a number of resources available for veterans to help them deal with the COVID-19 pandemic.

COVID-19 Vaccines

The VA is prioritizing and offering vaccines to enrolled Veterans actively receiving VA health care. Any Veteran, who is not currently receiving health care through VA, can find out about eligibility and learn how to apply for care. Stay informed about getting a COVID-19 vaccine.

LEARN MORE

C onnect With Those Who You Served With

TogetherWeServed.com matches you with other Veterans who served in the same units as you at the same time, delivering a list for easy contact. VA Veterans may claim a one year premium membership.

These unprecedented times are contributing to a higher level of anxiety, particularly among our Veteran population. The reduced ability to mingle with others to keep spirits up, makes it difficult for some to maintain their morale. TogetherWeServed provides a secure virtual base for Veterans

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R esources For Veteran Caregivers

Caregivers will now be included in Veterans' health care teams, VA Secretary Wilkie announced on October 19 as part of the Inclusive Care Program. The Elizabeth Dole Foundation offers no-cost, short-term aid from at-home care professionals to help with bathing, cooking, exercising, transportation, and companionship, among other tasks. Caregivers in every state can now apply for no-cost professional caregiver support made possible through the cooperation and donations of CareLinx, Wounded Warrior Project, AARP, and VA.

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A Day in the Life of Tank, Canine Comfort Giver

Sun, 24 Jan 2021 05:00:00 GMT

As a dog, I have to admit, sometimes I don’t understand my “human.” What’s the big rush to get out of bed in the morning? Everything is all nice and warm and cozy, and he wants to get up out of bed. It happens every single day!

Most mornings I just ignore him and stay in bed while he clatters about the house. I choose sleeping over most things, sometimes even food. And I certainly don’t want any of that funny smelling black stuff he drinks in the morning. What’s wrong with drinking good old water? Besides, you never burn your tongue on water (or stain your tie).

After a while, he lets me know it’s time to leave for work. The jingle of his keys typically works, but a whistle, or a “C’mon, Tank!” leaves zero doubt. I do love our morning commute; there are so many interesting things to smell along the way! Like clockwork, the two rear car windows roll all the way down (just how I like it), which allows me to get my entire nose out there for olfactory inspection. This is a nice way to ease into my day, as I have a very important job to do once we get to the funeral home. I am the Head Comfort Giver and Lead Inspector of Anything New.

Once we arrive at the funeral home, I do a complete security patrol of the facility. One can never be too careful! Every dog pack knows that new things should be regarded with great suspicion. Coats that are left behind or new packages in the hallways make me nervous. It’s my duty to guard my human at all times, so I do a thorough inspection of these new potential “threats.” After sufficient sniffing, I usually run past the questionable item quickly, or bark and refuse to get close, just in case it might try and jump out at me. There are a few things I already know to be scary – boots, vacuums, and umbrellas, to name a few. I insist that these items be removed at once! I may be fierce, but I’m not foolish!

After my security patrol is complete, I go upstairs to the offices and check to see how all of the other humans are doing. It can get a little confusing, because some of them look a lot alike. It makes me wonder if they are all from the same litter or something. But they all smell different. The nose knows!

When I hear the doorbell ring, I am always the first to bark and sound the alarm that new people are here to see us. The dog code is straightforward: bark whenever we hear a doorbell, period, end of story. But then there is the very scary Fed Ex driver – I can’t bark enough at him! Sometimes I think I might just be a tad anxious. Heck, sometimes even employees will scare the heck out of me!

Luckily most people who come to the door aren’t FedEx drivers. When new people stop by the funeral home, I make sure that I’m there to greet them. A handsome, friendly fellow like me puts everyone at ease. They talk to me and pat my head, and tell me about their own four-legged friends. I don’t want to burst their bubble, but my nose already told me everything I needed to know about their pets. However, being polite is really important, so I listen to what they say anyway. Plus, I’m always happy to help out by offering some canine companionship.

When I am not inspecting new things or greeting visitors, I station myself at the top of the steps on the second floor, where I can monitor everything that’s going on. Even if I’m not officially invited down to the arrangement office to meet with a new family, I typically slink down on my own – just in case my invitation was a mere oversight. No sense taking that risk!

In between doorbells and appointments, I try to find a good place to take a nap – I have a few favorite spots. Funny thing is, none of the humans take naps. They sit at their desks a lot of the day, where they talk on the phone and look at some sort of screen. It doesn’t look very entertaining. I’m surprised they haven’t tried just looking out the window for fun. It’s the best! They are constantly giving me belly rubs, treats and potty breaks, so I keep my opinions about the way in which they spend their time to myself.

By the time the end of the day rolls around, we’re all exhausted! I always have my work wrapped up by 5PM, but these humans like to hang out late lots of evenings. I am easily the most underpaid employee, but the perks of the job are what keep bringing me back. Between the new people I get to meet, the constant love and attention from co-workers, and the ability to take naps literally whenever, I think I have it pretty much made.

My name is Tank, and I have to say I enjoy busting my tail at Parthemore Funeral Home.

Who Am I? Now That My Loved One Is Gone

Sat, 17 Oct 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Who am I? It’s a common question everyone asks themselves at least once in their life. When answering, many find the answer often has more than one layer such as “I’m a son, a daughter, a husband, a wife, a business owner, a caretaker” etc. Asking yourself this question can become even more complex when you have recently experienced the loss of a loved one

The death of a loved one can be traumatic, causing many to feel as if they have lost their purpose. They may feel lost not knowing what they should be doing since they no longer have to worry about the well-being of their loved one. Sometimes, the way they viewed themselves, as a husband or a wife, has changed so drastically they can’t remember what it means to just be themselves. The realization that your previous concerns and routine are gone and you now have a future that is unknown can be overwhelming and scary.

So how do you find yourself again? There are some things you can do to help yourself find your “new” identity.

Take the process one day at a time. Once you have moved past the funeral it can feel overwhelming when you try to figure out your next step. So the best advice is to focus on today. Make lists of what needs to be done today and only focus on today. Establish a routine for yourself. Many find comfort in the routine as they know what to expect next. Working through a small list of to-dos provides a feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day. This is important in helping to ward off feelings of panic and becoming overwhelmed.

Start small. Pick small projects to do. If you are now living on your own, tackle something small like hanging a picture on the wall. Weed a small section of a garden or plant something new. If you were a caregiver and stopped doing things for yourself, then schedule a hair appointment, start a daily walk, buy a new book to read. Do something small to help yourself feel good.

Lean on others and try something new. Don’t be afraid to tell others what you need. Most people want to help but don’t know how. So, if you need something, say something. Sometimes this advice can be used in conjunction with the advice to try something new. Going out to do something can be overwhelming in any situation, let alone when you are feeling lost. Call up a friend and have them join you to try a cooking class, workout class or anything you’ve thought of wanting to try. This can be a huge step forward in helping to get yourself excited for the future.

Finding your identity again isn’t easy but you will get there. Focusing on the small accomplishments and taking everything a day at a time will help. It’s important to have patience with yourself and accept setbacks as they come. Tomorrow is a new day to keep moving forward.

Part Two: 6 More Things You Should Never Say to a Grieving Person

Sat, 17 Oct 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Our words have the ability to hurt or to heal. They are a powerful tool. We can use our words for building up or tearing down. We all know this is true. So, let’s use our words wisely, kindly, and for the encouragement and building up of those around us. Below is a list of a few more phrases that should be banished from our conversations with people who are grieving.

“How’s your family holding up?”
While this question is not innately bad, take the time to ask about your friend or loved one first. Ask “How are you?” and then ask about family members. By asking about family first, you indicate that the family’s feelings are more important than the individual’s feelings. Take time to ask your friend about their family, but first, be intentional about asking how they are doing in their own individual grief journey.

“Your loved one wouldn’t want you to be sad.”
You may be trying to lighten the mood and add a little levity, but in actuality, this comment trivializes the grief felt by the bereaved. You are telling them that their grief is a bit silly, and their loved one would say the same thing. Instead, allow people to grieve. Dr. Wolfelt encourages us to “Allow your friend to experience all the hurt, sorrow and pain that he or she is feeling at the time.” Give them the freedom to express whatever emotions are present.

“It was their time to go.”
This is similar to saying, “He’s/She’s in a better place.” When a person is grieving, it doesn’t matter that it was their loved one’s “time.” While the death of a grandparent or even a parent feels more in the natural order of things, some people are grieving a loss that feels unnatural, like that of a sibling, a child, or a friend. Remember, grief is made up of many complex and often conflicting emotions.

“How did he/she die?”
The only reason to ask this question is to satisfy your own curiosity. And in the end, the question will only make you seem nosy. Instead, focus on your grieving friend’s feelings. They need to hear you say, “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “My heart hurts for you.” For some, talking about the details of a death won’t be difficult, but for others, it will be excruciating. It’s best to wait until they decide on their own to share.

“You have to be strong for (insert person’s name).”
It is a common misconception that it’s best to move away from our grief rather than to move toward it, but strong-arming your way through grief isn’t very effective. In fact, “being strong” often causes people to push their feelings away and compartmentalize what they feel. Suppressing our emotions is never healthy and can lead to anxiety, tension, and emotional distance from the very person you want to connect with at a difficult time.
We should not encourage people to “be strong” when that means ignoring what they feel. Certainly, we don’t want them to fall apart for weeks on end and forget all their responsibilities, but we should give them permission to grieve. They are going to have to learn to deal with pain; it’s part of life. Instead, they need someone to walk beside them as you both grieve.

“I’m sure it will be better soon.”
When someone is grieving deeply, this comment may be frustrating. The grieving person may be thinking that they can’t imagine ever feeling better again. Your presumption that they will be better “soon” can seem insensitive. They may even feel like you are judging their current emotional state.

All in all, the most important thing you can do is offer support to your grieving friend in the best way you know how. You may stumble a bit with the words, and that’s okay. But take the time to carefully consider your words and say what is most beneficial, even if you feel awkward. Your friend will appreciate your efforts to be sensitive, kind, and supportive in their time of grief and need.

Read Part 1 – 6 Things You Should Never Say To A Grieving Person

Article excerpt from Funeral Basics - www.funeralbasics.org

Parthemore’s Reflect on Growing Up Around a Funeral Home

Fri, 25 Sep 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Growing up in and around a funeral home allows for many unique experiences not everyone can relate to. The Parthemore’s shed some light on their childhood growing up in a funeral home.

“When Dad opened the funeral home and we moved from 9th St. to Bridge St. I had to leave Hillside Elementary and start 4th grade at Manor Elementary School. It only took a few months until some of the kids started calling me Mort (short for Mortician) when they found out I was the new kid who’s dad just started a funeral home. It carried through high school with some of them and to this day a couple of them will still greet me as “Mort” after a period of time of not seeing each other.”
~ Gib Parthemore

“Of course there are a million memories, but the something that definitely stands out is that we had our own parking lot to ride our bikes. Actually, not sure if this considered normal or not, but as FDK’s (funeral director’s kids), we would tie the red wagon to the bicycle. One of us would ride the bike and the other one would lie in the wagon and we would pretend that it was a hearse in funeral procession!”
~ Bruce Parthemore

“Growing up at the funeral home, I recall, more than once, a friend that intended to sleep over, calling his parents to pick him up because it was too scary sleeping above a funeral home. I won’t name names. I also recall my parents being on a date and watching scary movies on Prism when the babysitter fell asleep. Watching a scary movie above a funeral home intensifies the effect. I remember having very little trick or treaters. I remember having to be quiet during evening viewings and after the viewings, setting up the chairs for the next day’s funeral service. I remember that despite the unusual environment, it was a great place to grow up, and all my friends enjoyed visiting because my parents were so warm and welcoming."
~Steve Parthemore

“I can remember having to be quiet at Pap and Grandma’s house (above the funeral home) when there was a viewing or service taking place on the first floor. I also enjoyed having wheel-chair races down the long corridor against my brother and cousins. I can also remember looking forward to the New Cumberland parades because we’d have friends and family join us on the front porch of the funeral home to watch.”
~ Gibby Parthemor

Helping Children Grieve

Fri, 25 Sep 2020 04:00:00 GMT

As funeral directors, there is nothing that we understand more than that the grieving process is different for everyone. The way someone grieves, when they grieve, how long they grieve, all varies from person to person. Throughout all of the years that the Parthemores have served families, we have also learned that a child’s way of grieving is completely different from that of an adult.

Another behavior that parents might notice is that some children start regressing into behaviors they grew out of such as bed-wetting or thumb sucking. If this happens, be understanding of this change in their behavior and encourage them to talk about their feelings. These regressions will pass as they learn to lean on their support systems and work through their feelings.

Depending on the age of the child, they may have a lot of questions. Our best advice is to answer their questions as honestly and clearly as possible. Talking around their questions or using metaphors won’t help them with understanding what is happening. Often they will just become more confused, which can increase feelings of frustration or anger, resulting in negative behavior that makes it harder on the whole family. Keep in mind their age and level of understanding and adjust the details you include in your answers. Explaining something to a 3-year old is different than an 8-year old.

We know that grieving the loss of a loved one is extremely difficult. Trying to help a child through the grief process, while you are grieving is even harder. It’s important to try to get back to the child’s normal schedule as soon as possible. Be available to them to listen to whatever questions or feelings they may have. Helping children through their grieving process may be just what you need to work through your feelings as well.

Secondary Losses After Losing A Loved One

Fri, 07 Aug 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Coping with the loss of a loved one is a difficult experience. This can be compounded by the secondary loss of shared activities and life contributions made by those who have died. Often times secondary loses are overlooked but still cause an immense impact on someone who is grieving. These secondary losses have a ripple effect on loved ones.

Secondary loses are encountered over time, rather than all at once. For those who are grieving, these loses began to unfold as you continue on with your everyday life. They can appear in many different forms and affect each person differently.

After the death of a loved one, it can be hard to carry on with your daily life. It may seem like every little thing you encounter reminds you of them. It can be hard to envision new memories without that person there. For instance, you may have always attended your favorite baseball team’s opening day or shared an annual vacation to the beach. Or even weekly events such as going dancing or eating at a favorite restaurant. This loss can also affect you in other ways such as the loss of income leading to a negative impact to your financial security. In addition, if they were the one to manage the finances, you could be clueless on when and what bills need to be paid. Depending on the role this person played, you may have to restructure your life to pick up the tasks they use to perform. When simple things needed fixed around the house they were always there to manage the home repairs, but now you will need to hire a professional. These are common things you grow accustom to and don’t affect you until a major piece is removed from the scenario.

There are several heathy ways to cope with secondary loses. One way is to create a special memento to preserve the memory of shared experiences/rituals. This could be by creating a scrapbook that showcases all the precious memories shared with a loved one. You could also find new ways to enjoy your shared interests such as picking up a dance class. As for your financial security, don’t hesitate to reach out to family and friends. You can also seek assistance from professionals for guidance in your financial matters. Additionally, you will need to get help with taking over managing new tasks formerly done by your loved one. This could mean rearranging your daily schedule to include new tasks or hiring a handy man. Family and friends will be your biggest support system and will help to guide you through managing secondary losses.

It is also very important to take care of yourself. Each person grieves differently and there are many resources available to help. With the support of trusted family, friends and grief professionals, everyone can find a healthy grieving method to fit their needs.

Personalizing A Funeral

Fri, 07 Aug 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Gone are the days of routine funeral services and memorials. Carbon copy services don’t offer as much solace or comfort to grieving families and friends, compared with services that honor the unique individuals that have died. In recent years, funeral services and memorials have become personalized affairs that pay tribute to the uniqueness of each person.

There are a number of ways that a family can personalize funeral or memorial services. Displaying a collection of photos and favorite items of the deceased helps others connect with shared memories and stories. Families may also choose to have a loved one’s favorite music play or create a slideshow of pictures and video that will play during the memorial. Displaying photos and other personalizations help to generate reminiscing and storytelling, allowing family members to hear stories they may not have heard before. Sharing memories creates a bond and honors the memory of the person.

Personalizing a funeral doesn’t have to end with the service. Items such as caskets and urns can also be personalized. Customized wraps for caskets can display anything from your loved one’s favorite baseball team to their life-long hobby. Recently, actress Carrie Fisher’s family chose her prized possession, an oversized, antique Prozac pill as her urn. If these examples are too extreme, you can personalize more items such as thank you cards, readings or programs that reflect your loved one’s personality.

The sky really is the limit in terms of personalizing a funeral. If you have an idea for personalization, talk with your funeral director about it to see if it’s feasible. Even better, if you know how you would want to personalize your own funeral, make an appointment to make pre-arrangements so you know that you are remembered in the way you want to be remembered.

Steve Parthemore’s – DMORT Deployment Blog – Part 2: COVID Epicenter

Thu, 25 Jun 2020 04:00:00 GMT

For nearly 20 years, I have been a part of DMORT - Disaster Mortuary Operational Response Teams. Highly trained DMORT teams help identify victims and support local mortuaries during mass casualty fatality events. My first experience, volunteering during the aftermath of 9/11 to assist the New York City Office of Chief Medical Examiner (OCME), sparked my interest in DMORT.

This blog, part two of two, is about my DMORT experience being deployed to New York City, a COVID epicenter. During the COVID-19 pandemic, DMORT has been tasked with assisting other federal and state agencies to return victims to their loved ones in a dignified and respectful manner.

Almost immediately after my return from my second DMORT deployment in March 2020, our team was asked to deploy to New York City to help the OCME. Hospitals, other care facilities, funeral homes, and the medical examiner’s office were not prepared, nor could they be, for the number of deaths caused by the virus. To further complicate matters, there was a huge backlog at local crematories and cemeteries. In many cases, funeral homes had to transport remains out of state for cremation.

After a serious conversation with my wife and brother, I decided to deploy for a third time on April 27. The federal government invests in me through annual training. When the time comes that they need me, I want to be able to say yes. That being said, I would not be able to serve without the support and sacrifice of my brothers, nephew, and our dedicated funeral home staff. They deserve recognition for their contributions.

It was surreal being in the normally busting New York City and it being so quiet with very little pedestrian or vehicle traffic. On my first night, I decided to take a walk to get a feel for the neighborhood in downtown Brooklyn. I’m so glad I did. At 7 pm, I started to hear and see people coming out on their porches and lean out windows. They were all beating on pots and pans, clapping and yelling. I learned that this was their daily ritual to thank all the healthcare workers. To say experiencing this gave me the chills, is an understatement. I was talking to my wife on the phone at the time and it was a truly meaningful experience for both of us.

In New York City, we were no longer dealing with quarantined travelers waiting to go home. Now, we were helping to bring the bodies of the pandemic victims back to their families. Because of the health risks and the overwhelming number of fatalities, the normal protocol of claiming bodies directly from the hospital was much more difficult.

New York City hospital morgues and funeral home facilities were overwhelmed. Victims were now being temporarily stored in refrigerated trailers. It was our job to properly identify the victims and bring them to the centralized morgue unit – known as a Disaster Portable Morgue Unit (DPMU) – and then release them to the proper funeral home.

During the next two weeks, I would meet up with my teammates every morning at 6:15 and we would depart for DPMU 4, which is located at a pier in Brooklyn. For this deployment, we had day and night shifts of 7 to 7.

On the first day, I spotted a friend that I had made in Georgia and he gave me a quick tour of the unit. The most interesting thing he pointed out was a raven’s nest in the rafters of the warehouse. During my time, I would get to see the young ravens learn to fly. It was a nice distraction to see the parents fly into and out of the warehouse seeking food for the babies.

I spent the first part of my day driving a 14-passenger van to 15 different hospitals located in four of the five New York City boroughs. My role was to work directly with the inspectors from OCME to ensure that the decedents were identified correctly by the medical records number and medical examiners number. We would then transport the descendent from the refrigerated trailers back to our centralized DPMU.

Most times, we would have a police escort back to the DPMU. I suspect that is why after a few days we noticed the press at the entrance to the facility with telephoto lenses. I also witnessed drones and helicopters flying over the facility.

In the afternoons, I often worked in the DPMU. I helped in photography or would meet with funeral directors to make sure their paperwork was in order before releasing the remains for final disposition.

A major part of our work at the morgue was to make sure that the identity of the deceased was correct and that they were released to the proper funeral home. This process began on site at the hospitals and continued at the DPMU. The medical record numbers, medical examiner case ID numbers were confirmed with the manifest gathered in the field.

As, I write this, I’m realizing that this account about the details of my deployment may be distasteful to some. But, these are the facts of life; especially for a funeral director. I was honored to represent DMORT and make sure that the decedents were being treated with dignity and compassion. Knowing that I played a small part in returning the remains of a loved one back to their family helps me manage while undertaking the difficult task.

Every time that I talk about my experiences with DMORT, I explain that I could not do this without serious sacrifice from my family and our staff - who are amazing. All in all, I’d say the best part was how good it felt to hug my wife and kids after my first two week quarantine.

Diversity in Funeral Customs

Thu, 25 Jun 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Just as religions and cultures around the world have different traditions for worship, there also can be varied funeral traditions for each. Many funeral customs are based on ancient ways, designed to honor one’s death in a spiritual context. With the advent of embalming and other more modern advances, some funeral traditions have been adapted. Despite these changes, many cultures and religions maintain the core of their traditions with small changes to suit modern day.

At Parthemore Funeral Home, we respect all religious and cultural practices. Our trained professional funeral directors and staff are able to make any accommodations needed to carry out the proper funeral, including traditions that take place before, during or after the service.

Before the ceremony, each religion or culture has their own way of preparing the body. Prior to a Buddhist ceremony, family members will dress the body in everyday, common clothing as soon as the death occurs. Before an Orthodox Jewish funeral, the body is washed and purified immediately through a process called “tararah,” and is not left unattended until burial. Similarly, prior to a Muslim funeral, the body is washed several times, shrouded, and situated according to meticulous traditional practices. In the Chinese culture, the funeral preparations began before the death. Once the person has passed the body is then cleaned and dusted with talc, before being placed inside the casket. Some religions also prohibit embalming or cosmetology. Those who worship in the Orthodox Jewish, Hindu and Muslim religions do not allow embalming and believe that the body should be buried as close to the time of death as possible, usually within 24-48 hours.

For most cultures and religions, the funeral service is conducted by a religious leader, whether it be a rabbi, monk, pastor or priest. In addition to who conducts the service, the funeral service traditions also differ. For a Catholic, Lutheran or Presbyterian service, a funeral mass is performed, in which a candle is lit to celebrate the departed and bring comfort to the mourners. Some cultures that share the same religion adapt the funeral service to their local customs. For example, Hispanic Catholic funerals might include mariachis, overnight visitations and a family feast. The type of prayers and participation at funeral services also varies by religion.

Funeral etiquette that is expected, can vary by the type of service. For a Hispanic funeral, personal items and gifts may be laid in the casket to help the deceased have a successful journey to the afterworld. Attendees at a Buddhist funeral should wear white or light color clothing. Similarly, for a Hindu funeral attendees wear all white and arrive empty-handed. No flowers or gifts should be brought. Guests should also not exchange greetings with the official mourners, but instead nod or hug in sympathy. Appropriate dress for a Samoan funeral is a lavalava (or skirt like wrap), white shirt, tie, jacket and leather sandals for men, and a pulu tasi (or muumuu) for women.

The final disposition of the body also varies across different religions. For those of the Orthodox Jewish and Muslim religion, cremation is not allowed. Bodies must be buried. In the Hindu religion, no burial takes place, the body must be cremated. In the Hindu religion, the body is cremated on a specially built outdoor pyre following prescribed funeral rites. In the United States, the traditional rites are carried out, but the actual cremation takes place in a crematorium. In Italy, grave space is a precious commodity, so interment usually takes place in a mausoleum. Before the body is buried, each person may walk up to the casket and throw a fistful of dirt or a flower on top. Following the service, traditionally flowers are planted around the burial site to purify the grounds. According to Chinese tradition, the body must be buried, but should never be dressed in red, because it could turn the deceased into a ghost. At an Orthodox Jewish funeral, the body is wrapped in a sheet and prayer shawl and interred in a simple wooden box.

Each religious or cultural group also have their own designated period for mourning. Some range from a several days to an entire year. In many instances, family and friends gather after the service and share food and drink. After an Orthodox Jewish funeral, the immediate family sits in mourning or “Shiva” in their home for the next seven days. It is customary for family, friends and coworkers to come by the home and pay their respects to the family. Ten days after a Hindu funeral, a ceremony is held at the home of the deceased in order to liberate the soul for its ascent into heaven. In the Chinese culture the funeral ceremony lasts 49 days, but the first 7 are the most important.

Funerals are an emotional time for loved ones, no matter what their religion or culture. Funeral traditions are meant to help memorialize those who have passed and make the grieving process easier for those who are affected.

Last Responders

Sat, 30 May 2020 04:00:00 GMT

A post from the National Funeral Directors Association

We join the nation in being deeply grateful to first responders helping to save lives during the pandemic.

But, we are also profoundly indebted to the last responders – funeral professionals working in communities large and small throughout the country.

It is the funeral professional who is gently caring for those who die of COVID-19 and other causes, laying them to rest with dignity and respect.

It is the compassionate funeral professional who is helping heartbroken families begin their grief journey under the most difficult of circumstances.

The last responder is not always recognized as one of the heroes, but we salute them for all they are doing to care for families and communities.

Guidance for Conveying Your Love and Support

Sat, 30 May 2020 04:00:00 GMT

When someone dies—of COVID-19 or any cause—during this pandemic, their loved ones are being left to grieve in especially harrowing circumstances. It’s a terrible time for loss. It’s a terrible time to be grieving.

If you would like to support a grieving person during this time, you might feel unsure about what to say or do. After all, many of the time-honored methods of demonstrating your care and concern—such as attending the funeral, or stopping by the family’s home to offer an embrace and your presence—aren’t options. Yet you can still be a light in this dark time.

These principles will help guide you:

Get in touch, and stay in touch.

To convey your love and support, video calls are the best substitute for face-to-face conversations. Voice calls come second. After that, emails, texting, and social media work too. And don’t forget the power of the handwritten note!

Be an exemplary listener.

Try to listen most of the time. When you do talk, validate what the grieving person has said to you. In their isolation, they still need their experience witnessed and affirmed. They still need to feel heard and understood.

Say what’s on your heart.

Especially in challenging death circumstances, it can be difficult to know what to say to the grieving family. It’s always OK to say, “I’m so sorry,” “You’ve had to endure so much,” and “My heart is breaking for you.”

Listen to and share memories.

In the early days after a death, grieving people are usually consumed by shock, attending to tasks related to the death, and integrating the reality of the circumstances of the death. But after some time has passed, they are often ready to start thinking about the life of the person who died. You can be someone who listens to the stories they want to tell and, if you have your own memories of the person who died, share them with the grieving person and their family.

Keep in mind that it matters less what you specifically say or do and more that you simply make efforts to get and stay in touch. If you genuinely care and you find active ways to express your empathy, the grieving person will feel your support, even from a distance.

Adapted from an article by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D., an author, educator, and grief counselor. He serves as Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition.

Steve Parthemore’s – DMORT Deployment Blog – Part 1: Travelers

Sat, 30 May 2020 04:00:00 GMT

For nearly 20 years, I have been a part of DMORT - Disaster Mortuary Operational Response Teams. Highly trained DMORT teams help identify victims and support local mortuaries during mass casualty events. My first experience, volunteering during the aftermath of 9/11 to assist the New York City Office of Chief Medical Examiner (OCME), sparked my interest in DMORT.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, DMORT has been tasked with assisting other federal and state agencies to help control the spread of the disease and return victims to their loved ones in a dignified and respectful manner.

This blog, part one of two, is about my recent DMORT experience with repatriating travelers who were returning to the U.S. after the pandemic started.

On Saturday morning, February 1, after working out at the Y with my wife, I received an email from the DMORT commander of our region asking if we were available to deploy to California to assist U.S. citizens repatriating from Hubei Province in China. After talking it over with my wife, she encouraged me to go because she knows that I enjoy the challenge and variety of the deployments.

That afternoon, I had received my orders and travel information. My flight was leaving at 6 am the next morning. I grabbed my uniforms and my wife helped me pack and take care of other necessary tasks before leaving on short notice. I spoke with my brother Gib who graciously agreed to fill in for me at our family-run funeral home.

DMORT members are considered intermittent government employees and when deployed their professional license is valid where they are working. Our response to COVID-19 has been different than previous responses in that it has been to several geographic areas over a period of months and it is ongoing. Thankfully, because we have completed ongoing training in proper donning and doffing of personal protective equipment (PPE), special pathogens of concern, incident management, and weapons of mass destruction/terrorism, our team is fully prepared to serve when needed.

I flew to Sacramento, met up with a couple teammates and drove to our deployment site at Travis Air Force Base (AFB). The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) was in charge of the operation. Many other U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) agencies were involved, including the Office of the Assistant Secretary for Preparedness and Response, the U.S. Public Health Service, and the Administration for Children and Families. HHS worked in collaboration with the Department of Defense, the Department of Veterans Affairs, and the U.S. Marshalls.

We met the planes when they arrived from China. Some of the people would end up staying at Travis while others would continue on to other military facilities in the United States. The evacuees were given an initial screening for COVID-19. If something raised a red flag, they were sent to my team for further evaluation. If certain criteria was met, the evacuee met with a CDC physician in consultation with another specialist from CDC by phone. A few of the people that we interviewed were transferred to the hospital for quarantine and testing. The remaining evacuees were transported to housing on the base.

During my two-week deployment to Travis AFB, our mission was to continuously screen passengers for symptoms, address any underlying health conditions, provide access to prescription medication, and provide wrap around services (including housing, meals, linen services, and appropriate entertainment).

Within a few days, we developed a good daily rhythm. I was relieved to learn that the people whom I had interviewed on arrival day all tested negative and came back to the base for the remainder of their quarantine. I was especially happy that a toddler I interviewed – a sweet, happy girl – was able to return to the base.

As soon as we started the deployment, we understood the mission’s historical significance. This was the first large-scale U.S. quarantine in more than 60 years. Given the unusual circumstances, we did our best to keep our evacuees comfortable and content during their stay. The people were very kind and appreciative.

When I returned, I kept social distance from my family and others, this was before it was the norm in Pennsylvania. We had been told that the PPE and social distance practiced while deployed made social distancing unnecessary, but taking the extra precautions made me more comfortable.

About a month after I returned from Travis AFB, I received an email on March 13 requesting me to deploy to Dobbins Air Reserve Base in Marietta, GA. Our mission was to assist with cruise ship passengers that were placed in quarantine to prevent the spread of COVID-19.

The request for my second deployment came just as the nation was beginning to shut down because of the pandemic. At the funeral home, we were going through unprecedented times. I’ll never forget discussing how we would manage if the situation got so bad that we would have more decedents than we would be able to store the remains or schedule the services. Given what was going on, I completely understand why my brothers, nephew, and our staff questioned why I was considering deploying again. The simple answer is that I have trained and prepared over the past 20 years; I feel it’s my duty to serve my country during times like these. My supportive wife and incredible coworkers and staff have made it possible for me to serve.

Upon my arrival on Saturday morning, I was asked to immediately get in my uniform and report to the base. Before going into the “hot zone,” where the passengers were housed, we would don PPE that was set up in one of the tents. One side was for donning and the other side was for doffing. There were personnel staged there to make sure we were donning and doffing correctly.

When I first arrived, I was tasked to deliver food that was provided by a caterer. While delivering meals, I soon discovered that the guests were understandably upset. All meals had to be eaten in their rooms and people were not allowed to mingle or socialize, since stricter social distancing guidelines were now in place.

We explained that we were doing our best to keep them safe while making them as comfortable as possible. A part of DMAT preparation is having a cache of pharmaceuticals ready, so we noted any medical needs and helped them get the drugs that were needed from what was on hand or available through the local drugstores.

We also picked up things as simple as slippers for the guests. I will remember most of the guests, but one in particular sticks out to me. There was an elderly black woman that had chronic heart failure. She didn’t tell us that she had the condition, but my teammate: a female fire chief from South Carolina noticed her swollen feet and legs when we stopped at her room for a temperature and wellness check. My teammate insisted that we get the woman compression socks to help control the swelling. She also immediately had DMAT evaluate her to see if the dosage of her medicine needed changed. I took satisfaction in knowing that our hard work helped make their quarantine stay more pleasant. I returned from Georgia on March 27.

NPR’s Fresh Air Interview

Reckoning With The Dead: Journalist Goes Inside An NYC COVID-19 Disaster Morgue

If you’d like to learn more about how New York City dealt with the practical challenge dealing with so many bodies suffused with a deadly pathogen. NPR’s Fresh Air interviews Time magazine reporter W.J. Hennigan. Listen to the interview .

Different Types Of Grief

Wed, 15 Apr 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Everyone’s experience with the loss of a loved one is different. Most people expect to experience a period of grieving, but what may come as a surprise is how that grief is expressed. There are more than a dozen different types of grief that you may experience.

At different times as you move through the grief process, you may experience several of these different types of grief. Keep in mind that some types are very specific to circumstances surrounding the death of your loved one.

To help you better understand what you, a family member or friend is experiencing, here are short definitions for common types of grief.

Anticipatory Grief

This type of grief often occurs before an impending loss. Family and friends of someone suffering from a debilitating condition, in declining health or is in hospice care are examples of situations that may trigger anticipatory grief.

Abbreviated Grief

A short-lived grieving period, due to the fact that the attachment to the deceased person wasn’t as great; the role of the deceased is quickly filled by someone or something else; or there was anticipatory grief, prior to the loss.

Absent Grief

Occurs when there are no outward signs of grief and the person seemingly moves on with life, as if nothing has happened. This can occur when someone is in shock or denial. Behavioral changes, such as an increase in drinking, can be common in this situation.

Chronic or Prolonged Grief

Grieving that lasts for an extended period of time may be chronic grief. You may notice that there is no significant reduction in the emotional distress, regardless of the amount of time that has passed. The grief feels as fresh as when the loss first happened.

Collective Grief

If the grief is felt by a community, society village, or nation because of war, natural disasters, terrorist attacks or the death of a public figure.

Delayed Grief

Occurs with people who either consciously or unconsciously avoiding the reality of the loss they have experienced. Some may experience this type of grief if they initially are involved with all the immediate tasks that need to be taken care of or they are supporting others with the loss. The grief tends to hit them at a later date, sometimes brought on unexpectedly.

Disenfranchised Grief

This type of grief happens when society or the community does not acknowledge or recognize the loss. The death may be stigmatized (suicide), considered insignificant, or the relationship is not acknowledged by society.

Exaggerated Grief

Those who experience overwhelming and intensified “normal” grief reactions that may worsen over time. These reactions may include nightmares, drug abuse, thoughts of suicide, abnormal fears, and the development of psychiatric disorders.

“Normal” Grief

There is no “normal” grief as everyone experiences grief for a different period of time and at varying degrees of intensity. For lack of a better description, normal just means there is a movement towards acceptance of the loss and a gradual lessening of symptoms.

Traumatic Grief

Grief that is combined with a distressing event is considered traumatic grief. This occurs as a result of a loved one dying in a frightening, unexpected, or traumatic way.

Regardless of the type of grief you are experiencing, it is important to seek out the help of family and friends, support organizations or professionals.

Explaining Death to Children, Before You Have To

Wed, 15 Apr 2020 04:00:00 GMT

Death is an inevitable part of life, but for young children, it can be a difficult concept to grasp. Because it is such a difficult topic to discuss with a young child, many parents wait until there is a death in the family to explain to children what happens when someone dies. Death is a difficult concept to explain to children, especially if you are trying to process your own grief.

It is beneficial to explain death to children in stages; rather than during the turmoil of the passing of a loved one. Taking the time beforehand can better prepare the child for deaths they may experience later in life.

Around the age of four, children can grasp the first aspect of death – irreversibility. At this age, it’s helpful to explain that when a person dies, they cannot come back. You might explain death as a person going away forever. Try to avoid metaphors of sleep, as they might cause a child to become afraid of sleeping.

Between the ages of five and seven, children start to grasp another aspect of death – non-functionality. They will understand that a dead body cannot feel, move, eat, etc. This might be the appropriate time to introduce concepts of an afterlife, if you believe in one. You can explain to your child that when a person passes away, their body stops functioning here but their spirit continues to live in heaven.

Also during this age, a child can grasp death’s final aspect – universality. Every living thing will eventually perish; plants, animals and people alike. This subject can be frightening for a child to learn, so you’ll want to save this one for last.

You may want to start explaining death’s universality by talking about plants and animals; explaining how every autumn, the leaves die and fall off trees. You can then make the connection that people are living things and like all living things, we will eventually pass away.

Explaining death using these stages and in absence of the passing of a loved one can provide a clearer message to the child and better prepare them for funerals later in their childhood.

Helping Your Family Cope When a Pet Dies

Wed, 04 Mar 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Helping Your Family Cope When a Pet Dies

The Parthemore website includes a Resources section with Griefwords articles from the Center for Loss and Life Transition. Written by Dr. Alan Wolfelt, an author, educator, and grief counselor, these articles can help you find healthy ways to cope and adjust after the loss of a loved one. One article that many of our families have consulted is how to deal with the loss of a pet.

An excerpt of the article is below.
by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

The term "man's best friend" brings to mind the unconditional love, constant companionship and acceptance we feel for our pets. And why not? Your pet can take you for a walk, listen when you need someone to talk to or even guard your house. A pet can also lower your blood pressure, change your heart rate or alleviate feelings of chronic loneliness.

No, it's not "just a dog" or "just a cat." The animal is a family member. With the death of that pet, the family experiences a significant loss. A difficult problem, however, is that society often denies you the need to grieve for your pet. You may even be chastised for openly and honestly expressing your feelings. As a result, your grief may be hidden, buried or ignored. Although denied understanding and support, your family needs to grieve the death of your pet. Grieving means to express your feelings, no matter how painful, outside of yourselves.

Clichés Don't Help You Heal

Your family will probably be greeted with many clichés when your pet dies. Clichés are trite comments intended to diminish the loss by providing simple solutions to difficult realities. Comments like, "It was just a dog," or "You can always get another one," or "Be glad you don't have to take care of him anymore" are not constructive. Instead they hurt and make your family's journey through grief more difficult.

Your Emotions Will Vary

When your pet dies, you will probably experience a variety of emotions: confusion, disorganization, sadness, explosive emotions or guilt. Don't repress these feelings and ignore anyone who tells you that you should. Don't over-analyze your response. Just allow your feelings to find expression. As strange as some of these feelings may seem, they are normal and healthy.

Each family member probably had a unique relationship with the pet. Allow for different emotional responses within the family, and be careful to respect each person's need to grieve in his or her own way.

Rituals Can be Helpful

Allowing and encouraging your family to have a funeral for the pet that has died can be helpful. It provides a time to acknowledge the loss, share memories of the pet and create a focus for the family to openly express emotions. While some friends or even family members may think having a funeral for your pet is foolish, don't let them take this special time away. Design a ritual that best meets your needs as you gather to pay tribute to a pet who was and always will be loved.

Children Need to be Involved

The death of a pet is often the first opportunity parents have to help children during times of grief. Unfortunately, parents often don't want to talk about the death assuming that by doing so the children will be spared some of the pain and sadness.

Children, however, are entitled to grieve for their pets. Any child old enough to love is old enough to grieve. And many children love their pets with all their hearts. As an adult, if you are open, honest and loving, experiencing the death of a pet can be a chance for children to learn about both the joy- and the pain- that comes from caring deeply for pets or for people.

You may not experience the same depth of loss as your children when a family pet dies. You must still respect their grief and allow them to express it without feeling abandoned. Your response during this time can make the difference whether children's first exposure to death will be a positive or a negative part of their personal growth and development.

Premature Replacement Can Cause Problems

The temptation after the death of a pet may be to run out and get another one right away. In fact, you are often encouraged to do so by family and friends. Although it may sound like a good idea, you should be careful about premature replacement. You need time to grieve and to heal when your pet dies. A new pet demands your energy and attention which at some point you may be ready and willing to give. Right now, however, you should first attend to your grief.

Be especially careful about premature replacement of pets with children. It sends a message to a child that says when something is lost all that you have to do is buy another one. In reality, that is often not the case. It also devalues the significance of the pet that just died. While there is no specific timetable for when to get a new pet, when in doubt-wait. Allow for additional healing to occur. When the family is ready for a new pet, involve the children in the discussion and selection so they can feel a part of the decision.

Some Closing Thoughts About the Death of a Pet

Hopefully, this article has helped you understand why your family grieves so deeply when a beloved pet dies. Pets don't criticize or judge you. They just love and accept you unconditionally. When a pet dies, you and your family must accept the need to grieve. Even though others around you may attempt to minimize your grief, the hurt must be embraced to be lessened. Be patient and tolerant as you slowly move toward healing.

Understanding Your Veterans Burial Benefits

Wed, 04 Mar 2020 05:00:00 GMT

The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) offers burial benefits for eligible veterans, their spouses, and their dependent children. To receive VA burial benefits, you must be a veteran of the Armed Forces (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps, Coast Guard) with a discharge other than dishonorable.

In order to qualify for VA benefits, you will need a copy of the veteran’s discharge papers or DD 214 form. This form identifies the classification of discharge. If the DD 214 form is misplaced or lost, you can contact Veteran Affairs or your local Veteran Service Officer to request a replacement form.

Funeral Expenses

The VA does not directly pay for funeral or burial/cremation expenses. The person who paid for the funeral expenses of a veteran may be eligible for a reimbursement for a portion of the expenses. The amount of reimbursement depends on the status of the veteran (active or retired), whether it was a service-related death or if they were under the care of a VA hospital at the time of death. For the current reimbursement amounts, consult the Veterans Affairs website .

Military Cemetery Plots

The VA offers eligible veterans and spouses a burial space in a national cemetery where there is space available, at no cost to the family. Burials at Arlington National Cemetery are reserved for military retirees, Medal of Honor recipients, or members who die on active duty. In the Central PA area, Fort Indiantown Gap, which is run by the National Cemetery Administration is available for veteran burials.

Burial space is also available at state cemeteries. In many cases, state cemeteries are funded by VA grants and must adhere to federal eligibility requirements. Burial benefits often include opening and closing of the grave, perpetual care, grave liner, and the setting of the government-furnished headstone or marker, at no cost to the family. Burial spaces may not be arranged in advance but are offered to families as the need arises.

Private Cemeteries

Veterans buried in a private cemetery may be eligible to receive a government-furnished headstone, marker or medallion, one burial flag, and Presidential Memorial Certificate, at no cost to the family. The VA will not pay for cemetery plots or opening and closing of graves at private cemeteries. Spouses and dependents buried in a private cemetery are not eligible to receive any VA benefits.

Military Honors

The family of every veteran receives a burial flag, which is presented to the spouse or designated next of kin. You can also request that an honor guard be present at the ceremony. Be sure to notify us that you would like to request one, so that we can contact the appropriate military branch.

The staff at Parthemore Funeral Home is well versed in benefits that are available to eligible veterans and will help you submit any necessary claim forms to the Veterans Affairs.

Returning To Work, While Coping With A Loss

Wed, 29 Jan 2020 05:00:00 GMT

There is no set time frame for grieving the loss of a loved one. Everyone grieves differently and travels a different path. Unfortunately, many people have to return to work responsibilities before they are emotionally ready.

It is important to understand your company’s bereavement policy and take advantage of any benefits that are available. Keep in mind that in addition to bereavement days, some companies offer grief counseling and therapy sessions.

Grief can have a huge impact on your ability to work both physically and mentally. To begin with, grief can aggravate physical pain, increase blood pressure as well as weaken your immune system, cause a loss of appetite, or make one feel fatigued. Not only can grief cause physical effects, it can also impact your mental health. Symptoms of grief can include detachment, anxiety, frustration, guilt and depression. These physical and mental symptoms of grief can impact your ability to perform daily tasks at work.

When coping with a loss, work often becomes a natural distraction, which can help to restore stability to your life. While you want to focus on being productive, you must also allow yourself to grieve. Trying to mask your grief through work will only lead you to feel abandoned and uncared for. Take the time to nurture yourself through such things as yoga, meditation or some much needed sleep. It’s important to remember that your loved ones would want you to be healthy, cared for and loved.

You should never feel alone in the grieving process. Don’t be afraid to reach out to coworkers for their help. Coworkers understand your situation and are often more than happy to help. By pretending that everything is okay, you are only leading yourself to unhealthy grieving that inhibits productivity. Always be honest with yourself regarding the workload you’re capable of completing.

Grief tends to come in waves. There will be times at work where you feel overwhelmed and your emotions get the best of you. This is normal and goes along with the healing process. Find a place at work where you can escape to for a few minutes and reflect. This could be your car, the employee breakroom, or another secluded spot.

While everyone grieves differently, one thing that is the same for everyone is that the process does not happen overnight. It’s important to put your needs first and reach out for help when needed.

Managing Social Media Accounts After The Death Of A Loved One

Wed, 29 Jan 2020 05:00:00 GMT

Social Media companies have realized that our Facebook pages and other online accounts are packed with pictures, memories and serve as a digital record of our loved ones lives. Now there are options on how to handle social media accounts after death. Find out what your options are to preserve your loved one’s digital life.

Facebook

Delete A Deceased Family Member’s Profile

You can delete a deceased family member’s Facebook page or memorialize it. To delete the account, you need to complete an online form and provide Facebook with documentation to authenticate the death, such as a death certificate or obituary. Or you can request to memorialize the account. Facebook requires the name of the deceased person, the date they died, and a link to the obituary or death notice.

Pre-Plan For Your Facebook Profile

Facebook also allows you to choose what will happen to your Facebook account upon your death. Go to Facebook’s “Help Center,” select “Manage my account,” and select “Memorialized Accounts.” You’ll have the option to delete your account upon your death or memorialize it. If you want your account deleted, just follow the instructions under the above settings. If you have concerns on how your memorialized account will be handled, Facebook allows you to designate someone in advance to manage your Facebook page following your death.

https://www.facebook.com/help

Twitter

A designated person who is authorized to act on behalf of the estate of a deceased Twitter member or a verified immediate family member of the deceased will need to access Twitters “Help Center” to deactivate an account.

Once you have requested the account be deactivated, Twitter will contact you by email with further instructions. Twitter will require further documentation, such as a copy of your identification and the deceased’s death certificate.

https://support.twitter.com/forms

Instagram

An immediate family member of the deceased can request the Instagram account be removed through Instagram’s “Help Center.” You will need to provide verification that you are an immediate family member when submitting this request with a birth certificate of the deceased, the death certificate of the deceased, or proof that you are the lawful representative of the deceased person or their estate.

You don’t have to be a family member to report a death to Instagram and ask that an account be memorialized. You will need to show proof of death by linking to an obituary or news article

https://help.instagram.com/

Email Pinterest at care@pinterest.com to deactivate a deceased person’s Pinterest account.

They require your full name, the full name and email address of the deceased person’s account, and a link to their Pinterest account (ex: pinterest.com/USERNAME). Pinterest suggests searching for it on https://pinterest.com/all/ if you don’t have that information.

You will need to provide documentation of the death with either a death certificate, obituary, or news article. They also require documentation of your relationship to the deceased; your name in the obituary may be all that’s needed. Pinterest will also accept a birth or marriage certificate, public mention of relationship, a family tree, family/household records, or notarized proof of relation.
LinkedIn

Access LinkedIn’s “Help Center” to close a LinkedIn account following a death. After you have completed an online form, LinkedIn will remove the deceased member’s profile on your behalf. They will need the deceased member's name, the URL to their LinkedIn profile, identification of your relationship to them, the deceased’s email address, the date they died, a link to an obituary, and the company/organization where they most recently worked.

https://www.linkedin.com/help/

Google and YouTube

Adding a list of all your social media accounts, passwords, and other required information to your estate planning documents will ensure your heirs can easily and completely manage your affairs

Google has detailed descriptions on how to handle a deceased family members accounts.

https://support.google.com/accounts/troubleshooter

Parthemore Chapel Renovations

Fri, 31 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Parthemore Funeral Home recently finished renovations to their chapel and foyer. Updates to the interior included a new ceiling, carpeting, paint and wainscoting. The furniture and artwork were also updated to make the room more comfortable and spacious.

VIEW NEW PHOTOS ON OUR FACILITY'S PAGE >>

Congratulations to Our Founder - Gil Parthemore!

Fri, 31 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Gilbert W. Parthemore, founder of Parthemore Funeral Home in New Cumberland, PA and a licensed Pennsylvania funeral director for 50 years, was honored for dedicated professional service by the Pennsylvania Funeral Directors Association (PFDA).

The award was presented by Debra Ashton-Chase, PFDA President, at a special recognition ceremony event at the 136th Annual PFDA Convention & Expo.

Mr. Parthemore is a graduate of Eckels College of Mortuary Science, Philadelphia. Prior to opening Parthemore Funeral Home, Mr. Parthemore spent two years in the United States Army, worked as a funeral director and also freelanced with other funeral homes before founding Parthemore Funeral Home in 1969. He retired from Parthemore Funeral Home in 1998 handing over the reins to his three sons.

For over four decades, Parthemore Funeral Home & Cremation Services has been committed to the families they serve and the community in which they live. An independent, family-owned funeral home, Parthemore offers pre-arrangements, cremation and traditional services suited to each individual.

Parthemore Funeral Home Welcomes the Third Gilbert

Fri, 31 May 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Parthemore Funeral Home is pleased to announce that there are now officially three funeral directors named Gilbert at Parthemore Funeral Home. Gilbert A. “Gibby” Parthemore completed his funeral director internship and all the requirements to become a certified funeral director at the end of February 2018. He now joins his grandfather, Gilbert (Gil) Parthemore, his father, Gilbert (Gib) Parthemore, and his uncles Steve and Bruce Parthemore as a funeral director in the family business.

Gibby has worked at the funeral home since high school. In the spring of 2014, he began pursuing a degree in Mortuary Science and graduated from the Pittsburgh Institute of Mortuary Science in 2016. At that time he started his funeral director internship which was completed this past February.

Gibby graduated from the University of Pittsburgh, with a dual degree in Business Administration and Political Science. He is also a graduate of Cedar Cliff High School, located in Camp Hill, where he was Class President and played football, basketball, baseball and track.

Helping Children Grieve

Sat, 21 Oct 2017 04:00:00 GMT

Each child’s grief can look very different, based on their age, developmental level and their support system. The grieving process that children go through can be confusing to adults; because one minute the child may be crying and the next they are playing. It’s important to remember that children don’t have the same emotional capability that adults do. Moving from crying to playing within minutes may be their way of preventing themselves from becoming overwhelmed. At their age, it isn’t avoidance, but rather a coping technique.

Another behavior that parents might notice is that some children start regressing into behaviors they grew out of such as bed-wetting or thumb sucking. If this happens, be understanding of this change in their behavior and encourage them to talk about their feelings. These regressions will pass as they learn to lean on their support systems and work through their feelings.

Tools To Help Children's Grief

It’s been our experience that many families use books as a tool to help children understand death and help start conversations. Stories are a great way to bring up the subject of death and relate it to the child’s life. Most children aren’t able to verbalize everything they are feeling, so sometimes having them draw pictures of how they feel or sharing pictures of the loved one who died can help move forward in the grieving process.

Depending on the age of the child, they may have a lot of questions. Our best advice is to answer their questions as honestly and clearly as possible. Talking around their questions or using metaphors won’t help them with understanding what is happening. Often they will just become more confused, which can increase feelings of frustration or anger, resulting in negative behavior that makes it harder on the whole family. Keep in mind their age and level of understanding and adjust the details you include in your answers. Explaining something to a 3-year old is different than an 8-year old.

We know that grieving the loss of a loved one is extremely difficult. Trying to help a child through the grief process, while you are grieving is even harder. It’s important to try to get back to the child’s normal schedule as soon as possible. Be available to them to listen to whatever questions or feelings they may have. Helping children through their grieving process may be just what you need to work through your feelings as well.

by: Gib Parthemore

Going Green

Tue, 29 Aug 2017 04:00:00 GMT

I think it’s safe to say that the “going green” initiative is here to stay. In fact, if you take a look around, there are constant reminders and advertisements that the government, the private sector, and we, as individuals, are consciously taking steps to eliminate waste and protect the environment. Cars have become more fuel efficient, major appliances draw less power or use less water than previous models, the government has taken a closer look at carbon emissions, and alternative clean energy sources are becoming more available and affordable.

Keeping pace with the rest of society, the funeral industry now offers green options for final disposition. While green burial has been a popular option on the West Coast and other parts of the United States, it’s just beginning to gain traction here in the mid-state.

Green burial options

So, what exactly does a green burial entail? Well, there isn’t a single definitive answer to that question, but certain forms of disposition are viewed as eco-friendly, and are therefore termed “green” in nature. Generally, a burial is considered green if it conserves natural resources, preserves the environment, and is safe for the general public.

The most common form of green burial is the burying of an unembalmed body in a biodegradable body wrap, or shroud. When it comes to preservation, refrigeration is employed, rather than embalming. Depending on the cemetery’s rules, a green burial container or casket might not be required. However, many families prefer this time-honored tradition. There are green caskets constructed of wood, wool, and various other biodegradable materials.

If the family wishes to have a viewing before the burial, there are eco-friendly embalming fluids that can be used to preserve the body. Instead of the toxic, formaldehyde-based chemicals typically used in a standard embalming, essential oils (derived from plants) are used. There are tradeoffs, however. The essential oils cannot penetrate and fixate tissue as efficiently as traditional fluid, resulting in a dramatically shorter window of preservation.

In addition to the way the body is prepared, green burials often have a different way of marking the grave and interring the body. For example, instead of the traditional tombstone or marker, a flat rock with an inscription may lie somewhere on the plot. Plants and trees are often planted atop the plot, helping return the grounds to their natural state. Traditional graves are dug to be roughly six feet deep. However, a grave for a green burial is typically half that depth to speed the decomposition process through greater oxidation of the remains. Along those same lines, nutrient rich soil, as well as compost and other organic waste products, are used as backfill to promote decomposition of the body, and life above it.

Why choose green burial?

So, why go this route? The fact is, it’s strictly one’s preference. However, I would suspect that an overwhelming majority of those who choose green burial do so because it’s the most environmentally-conscious option. National Geographic estimates that in the United States alone, approximately 30 million feet of wood and 90,000 tons of steel are used producing caskets each year. Additionally, 800,000 gallons of toxic embalming fluid is used to preserve deceased individuals each year. And of course (as I’m sure you can figure out), these chemicals ultimately end up in the earth.

Where can you choose green burial?

Parthemore works with cemeteries offering green alternatives, including the Paxtang Cemetery, in Harrisburg, PA, which is the first local cemetery to offer green burial options to the public. This cemetery has a designated area for green burials, characterized by undisturbed wildlife and vegetation. If you’re having trouble visualizing this area, or have further questions about green burial, Paxtang Cemetery is a good place to start. I’ve provided a link to their website, which includes their contact information and green burial guidelines, at the conclusion of this blog. Without green cemeteries, green burials cannot happen. We cannot provide families with green burial options without cemeteries equipped to bury bodies without caskets or vaults.

Hopefully you can walk away knowing a little more about green burials, and equally important, that this is an option in our area. Keep your eyes open for more green burial news in the future; it’s a market that’s sure to grow (no pun intended).

by: Gibby Parthemore

https://www.paxtangcemetery.com/green-burial

A Day In The Life - Funeral Home Office Manager

Fri, 19 May 2017 04:00:00 GMT

The day I saw the “help wanted” ad for the position of office manager at a local funeral home, my life changed.

Having lived in the area for many years, I was familiar with Parthemore Funeral Home before applying. My family had used the funeral home for services in the past; and through sports, community activities, and mutual friends, I got to know some of the Parthemores outside of the office so making the decision to apply for the job was easy.

There is no “routine” workday at the funeral home. When the phone lines open at 9AM, anything goes. My day is often dictated by the calls I receive. These callers range from grieving family members, to religious figures, to medical/emergency personnel, to news reporters, to concerned members of the community, to solicitors, and so on. Although the phone could ring anywhere between fifteen to fifty times a day, I strive to give each caller my undivided attention and assistance.

Similar to my role of fielding incoming calls, I’m typically the one responsible for answering the doorbell. Although we set appointment times with families, there are many people who stop by unannounced throughout the day. The visitor will ring the doorbell, which actually buzzes our phone system, and from there I am able to converse with the individual through the intercom. Since our offices are on the second floor, it might take me a minute to come down and unlock the door. If you take notice, I’m always armed with my sidekick (the cordless phone), since the phone has a propensity to ring when I’m in the middle of something. As you can imagine, some days I feel as though I’m constantly going up and down the stairs. However, since the candy basket has Tootsie Rolls among its choices, I really depend on all those steps!

In between answering doorbells and phone calls, I take care of some standard tasks to keep our files up to speed. I’m often taking care of some form of data entry, from updating at-need and pre-need files, to recording flowers received for services, or maybe preparing certain information for death certificates. I am tasked with preparing prayer cards and memorial folders for services we hold, customizing register books, and making laminated copies of the obituary for families. I also organize and assemble our Final Arrangements binder, which we distribute to every family we serve. All the while, I try my best to maintain our stock of office supplies. If this is about to put you to sleep, come over for a cup of coffee – I’m in charge of keeping the Keurig (coffee maker) up and running too! Some mornings, I bet my co-workers would argue that this is my most important role.

The prehistoric IBM/Lexmark typewriter still sits behind me, though it doesn’t get used too often. Up until last June, all death certificates were hand-typed on the good ole typewriter. The Department of Health just recently implemented an online site for death certificate preparation, and this has certainly been a positive development. The new way of obtaining and filling out death certificates has cut back on paperwork, gas miles, and headaches.

Aside from my computer and the typewriter, I’m also tasked with operating the fax machine and copier. Come to think of it, I’d consider myself “certified” in tackling paper jams from the copier, cleaning the slit glass on the copier bed, and determining when the problem needs to be addressed by a qualified professional. I don’t like to schedule service calls, but when yelling unsavory things to the copier fails, what other options are left?!

To sum things up: I love my job. I’m not someone who enjoys “sitting around,” and this position hardly allows time for that. My office is on the second floor, and all the windows allow me to see up and down the main drag. If you’re driving down Bridge Street in New Cumberland any time soon, be sure to beep when you drive by – if I’m near the window (and not in the middle of something), you’ll likely get a wave!

I take pride in my job, and I feel very blessed that the role of Office Manager for Parthemore Funeral Home has been bestowed to me.

-Yvonne Sersch is the Office Manager at Parthemore Funeral Homes.

The Life Of A Funeral Director’s Wife

Tue, 11 Apr 2017 04:00:00 GMT

I knew what I signed up for when I married Gib over 30 years ago. My mother-in-law did forewarn me, but I just didn’t realize how much help we’d need along the way to manage the demands of raising a family given the unpredictable schedule of a funeral director. We always appreciate the flexibility and understanding our friends and family have shown us over the years.

Quite a few years have passed since Gib and I needed to be in what seemed like fourteen places at once. When our children were younger and playing multiple sports, participating in various other social and school-related activities, along with our own memberships and responsibilities within our community, I can remember how exhausted we were trying to be everywhere. Gib’s unorthodox work schedule often played a role in complicating matters.

When Gib wasn’t on call, things generally ran smoothly but when he was on call, or already had services scheduled, life became challenging. Being on call meant that he could get a call any hour of the day or night requiring that he drop what he was doing and attend to a family in need. Because Gib and I grew up in this area, we were blessed to be surrounded by many lifelong friends and a large extended family. These “backup options” were invaluable when our crazy schedules just wouldn’t allow us to do it all – honestly, there’s no way we could have given our children every opportunity if it weren’t for our amazing friends, family and neighbors.

In addition to these reliable outlets, we had the opportunity to meet many new people along our boys’ sports careers. Many times, our “Plan B” was to contact those parents to coordinate transportation, provide meals certain nights, wash uniforms when necessary, etc. It is very clear to us, that without the help of these family members and friends, we would have had to ask our boys to make some hard choices.

Equally important was the fact that my husband’s co-workers were also his siblings and parents. Luckily, being at events with your spouse and/or children was a priority shared by the entire family, so there were many concessions made over the years to switch and cover for each other. As a result, very few weddings, birthdays and other celebrations were missed.

Even now, Gib and I still travel separately to events when he is on call, so that I can stay in case he has to leave. Friends and family have adapted well to our quirky schedule and have come to know that on certain nights and weekends, our response to an invitation will likely sound something like this: “Gib is on call, but we will be there if we can.” We have also found it’s easier if we host events and celebrations at our home, so Gib can easily slip out if necessary. As our son, Gibby, transitions into this profession, we look forward to assisting him with his personal and family demands when these inevitable occasions arise.

Viewing and Visitation Etiquette

Fri, 17 Feb 2017 16:21:30 GMT

For many, having to attend a funeral can be an uncomfortable experience. I’ve noticed that people are often confused about proper etiquette, and also seem to be unsure of what’s expected of them when they arrive at the funeral home (or wherever the services may be taking place). If you get anxious, or aren’t quite sure what to expect when you attend one of these events, know that you’re in good company. I still get uncomfortable from time to time, and I’m immersed in these situations daily. Hopefully the following pointers can help to calm your anxiety surrounding these events, and allow for you to truly appreciate the funeral service. Remember, the service is not just for the one who has passed and their surviving family, but for you as well.

ATTIRE

As far as a dress code – there isn’t one. The “old school” mentality would lead you to believe that the only thing you can wear is something black, or dark. While there is certainly nothing wrong with this approach, I feel it is no longer the standard. I would recommend business professional attire, but business casual is fine as well. You can wear something colorful if you want, but don’t wear something that turns you into the center of attention. Use common sense, and be respectful.

Families, and the staff at the funeral home, understand that the timing of these events rarely suit all schedules. That being said, know your presence is ultimately much more important than what you’re wearing. Please don’t avoid attending simply because you feel as though you’re underdressed. If you lack the time or ability to change into something appropriate, don’t sweat it! Your attendance supersedes your attire, and the family will appreciate your presence (regardless of what you’re wearing). Don’t worry… we will still let you in if you’re wearing a dirty softball uniform.

WHAT TO EXPECT

If you’re apprehensive about what to expect when attending a funeral, look to the obituary for clues to ease your tension.

“Is the body present?” This is a question I frequently get when greeting visitors in the parking lot, or at the door. Anxiety, for some, stems from the prospect of actually having to see a deceased human being. Look at the wording of the obituary to better prepare yourself. There is typically a time before the funeral service where friends, family and acquaintances are able to greet the surviving family and pay their respects. If the obituary refers to this time as a “visitation,” then you can likely expect that the deceased has been cremated, the casket is closed, or the body isn’t present at all. The term “viewing” is typically associated with an open casket. Admittedly, I’ve seen these words used interchangeably, but most of the time they serve as a pretty good indicator. Additionally, if you see the term “memorial service,” you can expect to see an urn, or no remains whatsoever.

WHAT TO DO

If the obituary explains that a burial is to take place after the service, you can expect to be greeted by a funeral attendant in the parking lot as you arrive. It is the funeral home’s responsibility to properly park cars, separating those who wish to be part of the procession to the cemetery from those who are simply stopping by to pay their respects. Don’t just zoom into the parking lot, turn off your car, and dash inside. Look for an attendant – they don’t want to have to chase after you!

Once inside, a funeral director (or staff member) will likely point you in the direction of the register book. Typically, it’s right in front of you as you enter, but it could be elsewhere. If your relationship with the decedent is a bit obscure (let’s say you’re co-workers with one of the deceased’s children), then feel free to write a couple words beside your name to clarify the connection. Don’t blow off signing the register book; it’s a great reference tool for the family to review after a likely draining day.

After signing in, there will likely be a line to greet the surviving family. I’ve seen many people fret over this as well. I’ve been asked, “what do I say?” I can understand why this is stressful; there may be fifteen family members waiting to greet you, but you only know one of them. My advice is that you shouldn’t get so hung up on the fact that you’re meeting new people. There’s no need to fumble for the perfect thing to say, or attempt to find common ground and start a conversation with these strangers. Rather, be short and to the point. Introduce yourself, explain your relationship to the deceased (or to one of the surviving family members), and express your condolences. Your brevity will not be mistaken for rudeness. In fact, I find those who are long winded and are there to “catch up” to be much more ignorant to the family, and to those around them. After all, there is usually a line, and it’s not fair to hold others up because you’ve decided to take a walk down memory lane at the front of the chapel. If you have more to say, the family could surely use your kind words in the weeks and months following the service. Be sure to reach out to them. A phone call, or letter, or visit to their home can make all the difference, and it’s a perfect time to have a much more meaningful and healthy conversation.

So, the next time you attend a funeral, don’t get too bent out of shape. Chances are, there are others in attendance who are feeling somewhat uncomfortable too. Be yourself, and know that your attendance is healthy for you, and for those you’ve come to support. Be observant and respectful, and if you’re ever in doubt, simply ask a member of the staff for some guidance. We’re always glad to help, and there’s no question too weird to ask. Believe me! Hopefully some of these pointers will help you to shed the unnecessary anxiety you’ve dealt with in the past and to experience your next funeral with a clearer mind.

By: Gibby Parthemore

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